Real-Life Goldilocks Falls Asleep During Burglary

Illustration for article titled Real-Life Goldilocks Falls Asleep During Burglary

A 19-year-old Florida woman pulled a real-life Morello last week when she gained entrance into a St. Augustine home, changed into the home owner's pajamas, made some dinner and then took a casual nap on the couch.


Chancy Layton was discovered asleep by the owners of the property (not, unfortunately three anthropomorphized bears) after she broke into the home last Friday evening. When the owners arrived home at around 2am, Layton was so surprised she took off as fast as her legs could carry her, leaving behind her purse and her passport. (I guess it's kind of a Cinderella, cross-over?)

"Not what I expected to see when I walked into my house. We just stood there a bit, looking at each other, like, 'What do we do?'" Cheryl Petocz said. "There was lots of bottles of wine that she drank. She was clearly not in a clear state. I told her I was calling police. As soon as I said that, she grabbed few things and ran out the house, out the back door."

When police caught up to Layton only a block away, she appeared apologetic and made it clear that she wanted to return the clothes she was wearing to the rightful owner. She also claimed that someone named Jeremy (fucking Jeremy) had told her that it would be okay for her to stay at the house and that she could enter through a window. Even if Jeremy exists (police haven't found him), wouldn't you be a little suspicious of a guy who says "Yo, you can stay at this house. The window's unlocked! Just climb on in and make yourself at home. There's a Swanson dinner in the fridge. The kind with a brownie for dessert."

Layton told police that she broke into the home to escape as she had been sleeping outside. Layton has posted an $8,000 bond and has promised to seek medical help for her issues.


Snacktastic Part III: the Return of the Spatula

The cold dead stare of someone who would have killed those fucking bears.