Real Housewives Of New Jersey Finale: "Prostitution Whore!"

On last night's finale, Teresa hosted a last supper for the cast and their families, where everyone laughed about her new tits and sore vadge. Then she excused the children from the room so she could flip over a table.


Teresa didn't mind having the kids hear her innuendos about blow jobs, or how their father made their mom have sex with him immediately after her buh-bies surgery. She also didn't mind having her kids hear about how sore her vagina is. But "prostitution whores" are another story. As for Danielle's, Jacqueline's, and Caroline's kids: they wanted to see the shit go down.

It all started when Danielle pulled out "the book" at dinner, and placed it on the table, forcing the women to discuss the entire scandal openly. You have to hand it to her. She knows drama. She's like the TNT of the Real Housewives franchise.

She tried to explain herself — which was difficult because the Botox hindered her facial expressions — but her accusations about Dina showing the book to people at their hair salon took over. The best is when Caroline admitted that she was the one to show the book to the people at the salon, and Dina was merely with her. Which is some obvious bullshit: Dina loved showing people that book and she knows it. Who wouldn't love that kind of dirt on their enemy?

(Side note: Dina is weird. She quit her dream career to spend more time with her 14-year-old daughter who will probably hate her mother in four months anyway, as most teenage girls do for a time. But then she went and opened a lame-ass internet store.)

Then Dina dragged her sister-in-law Jacqueline into it, causing an uncomfortable family fight. (I know all about this kind of thing. My dad is one of eight, and he has four sisters. They would alternately be really friendly or horrible witches to my mother and their other sisters-in-law. I totally know how the kids at the table were feeling. My parents keep their distance from those women, but are cordial to them at certain family functions. I, on the other hand, want nothing to do with those ladies and haven't spoken to them in 15 years. I'm being forced to invite them to my wedding, and if they have the balls to show up and give even a flash of a dirty look, I'll probably pull a Teresa and start flipping tables and dropping F bombs. It goes to show you that: 1.) Pushy in-laws can push people away; and 2.) You can take the girl out of Jersey, but you can't take Jersey out of the girl. THANK YAU VARRY MUCH! THANK YAU!)

That said, Teresa, while not articulate, managed to get her point across. I love that she said, "Look, the book" in Italian, and that she counted the following problems she has with Danielle on her fingers:

1.) Name change
2.) Arrested
3.) All the stripping
4.) Prostitution whore
5.) Fucking engaged 19 times


That's when the table got flipped, and all of her grievances, beyond what she enumerated, were impossible to discern through her shrieking. But then she kissed Juicy Joe and told him she loved him, and all was right in her world again. As Teresa said, "[Danielle] doesn't know who the fuck she's fucking with. OK? And I have no fucking skeletons in my fucking closet."

Deleted scenes from the Last Supper will be aired on Bravo on Thursday. As for what the ladies are up to now, it seems as though Danielle is writing a book. From her blog:

I am very excited to now be able to write my own book and move forward with my life. I have such a positive outlook and I know if there is one person watching that decides to not attack another woman because of what they saw me going through, then it is worth it all. Please build one another up instead of tearing each other down. Thank you to my newfound friend, in whom I have found a new light and trust. I am grateful for her guiding me to keep me positive. I will tell you more on my soul sister later. God Bless!!


On their respective blogs, each of the women made allusions to the fact that there was a bunch of drama going on "behind the scenes" that will be addressed during next week's reunion show. But it looks like Jacqueline and Danielle are no longer friends, per Jacqueline's blog:

With some recent shocking developments I have cut the toxic people from my life. I'm not going to talk about it - I am just going to act on it. Let's just say I was very disappointed with people, and I regret giving them my heart and time. Because of that rejection, I am now the target of a pathological liar. Fuggetaboutit!


Oh, and Danielle might be a (home) movie star.



Am I the only to say this: Team Danielle! I know Danielle is nuts but I always thought her Dina accusations were insane until they turned out to be true. And it's preposterous for any of these "classy" women to act like they are further up the evolutionary ladder than Danielle. Caroline, the bully, and her son with the "classy strip clubs and car washes" dreams? Teresa with her, um, oh, where to start: pageant children, bending over for her husband and his coworkers, I don't swallow, onyx coming out of her ass and sore vadge/bubbies? Dina and her "design job for the stars", gigantic cross necklaces, and "if I bend over you'll see my chuckie" dress?

It took Danielle about 20 seconds to unravel that entire "classy" dinner party and bring them down to her level, if not worse. Well done, Danielle. Gold star for you. You're my hero.