Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Bitch & Tunnel

On last night’s season two premiere, the tension between Danielle (alleged prostitution whore) and the rest of the women seemed—ironically—thicker than the thieves, with Teresa suggesting that her vagina was bigger than both the Lincoln and Holland tunnels.

At Caroline’s chi-chi, $1,000-a-plate fundraiser, the guests got their money’s worth in booze and began ragging on Danielle’s prostitution-whorey-ness, leading to Teresa’s large vagina comment. (I don’t mean to knock anybody with lots of children, but honestly, I think that fucking “500 guys” wouldn’t stretch out a vagina any more than pushing out four babies would—and if it did, it would probably make a vagina wider, not longer.)

Danielle is dealing with the stress by yelling at a priest to teach her how to pray for people. Also, the evidence here would suggest that Danielle is not a prostitution whore, since she was in church and I didn’t notice her sweating.

Lastly, Teresa made some red sauce with her family (which we’ve learned you’re not allowed to do when menstruating), and discovered that her daughter is sorta anti-Semitic.