Reader Roundup: Is Your Breakfast Cereal Plotting Against You?

Illustration for article titled Reader Roundup: Is Your Breakfast Cereal Plotting Against You?
Illustration for article titled Reader Roundup: Is Your Breakfast Cereal Plotting Against You?
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Today's best comments snap, crackle, and pop.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to The Atlantic Weeps For The Sad, Slutty Drunk Girls:

Flanagan continued, "And it's such a shame this girl ruined her prospects by being a slut, with her PowerPoint aptitude, she would have made someone a great little secretary."

Best Comment Of The Day in response to The Problem With The Special K Challenge:

The challenge is to see how long you can eat Special K without wanting to vomit when you enter the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

Best Comment Of The Day, also in response to The Problem With The Special K Challenge:

On the back of my Multigrain Cheerios box it says, in curly-swirly purple script, "More grain - less you!" Apparently the ideal woman is a sack of grain in a designer track suit.

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Best Comment Of The Day in response to Bullock's Bangin' Bangs:

Sandra Bullock's "Revenge Bangs"
See also: Ryan Reynolds

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Family Values Types Really Peeved About ... Passport Forms?:

"Jesus at the Passport Agency"

Jesus: I want to apply for a passport.

Agent: Okay, fill out this form and sign it on the line. Just so you know, we only take checks.

Jesus: I'm paying by money order.

Agent: Whatever. That's fine. Just fill out the forms.

Jesus scans over the forms

Jesus: Um, I don't have a middle name. Also, my birth certificate is in Aramaic. Is that going to be a problem?

Agent: Does your birth certificate include a middle name?

Jesus: Uh, Looks at birth certificate it doesn't list a last name either.

Agent: Jesus. What is it with you clowns without last names? It isn't like you're Cher, or Madonna, or Ice-T.

Jesus: Don't take my name in vain.

Agent: Huh?

Jesus: Under his breath And I'm gonna die for this shit. Louder Anyway, I have a sort of unique parental situation.

Agent: Rolls his eyes Unique? Try me.

Jesus: Well, the form has one space for "Mother" and one space for "Father" ... and I have two fathers.

Agent: Not even going to ask. Do you have a mother?

Jesus: Oh, yes.

Agent: Then how in the name of God do you have two fathers?

Jesus: Well, I have an earth father and ... a Heavenly father.

Agent: God, you damn fundies.

Jesus: No, really. God is my father. And you're not exactly winning points with Him.

Agent: Jesus Christ. Just put down the name of your mother and your "earth" father.

Jesus: You know, this wouldn't be a problem if your stupid form just had spaces for "Parent 1" and "Parent 2" ... all this "Father" stuff makes it confusing for me ... although I think adding spaces for additional parents would be even better. "Parent 3," "Parent 4," "Parent 5" ...

Agent: Everyone has two parents. One egg, one sperm, you know how it goes. Right? Just write down the names of people who would commonly be considered your "Mother" and "Father." I don't make the rules, but you still have to follow them.

Jesus: Um, yeah ... I forgot to add: I can't write.

Agent: Jesus Christ, you're stupid.

Jesus: Well, I'm a prophet, not a rocket scientist.

Agent: Thank God for that. Do you even want a passport?

Jesus: No, not really. I can just teleport, because I am magical.

Agent: Picks up phone Security. I need an escort up here.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Older Women More Likely To Have Sex On First Date:

Illustration for article titled Reader Roundup: Is Your Breakfast Cereal Plotting Against You?


Pssshhh, whatevs. The praying mantis is unimpressed by cougars. She has sex on the first and last date. At the same time.

Amateurs.



Reminder: Rather than emailing us your daily comment nominations, we'd like you to submit them in the tips box at the top of the page. So send us your nominations via that box — complete with the outstanding comment's URL — and tag your nomination #cotd. (Replying to a comment with "#cotd" does not work.) From here on out, we'll mine through the brilliance via the Comment of the Day tag page.

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Use #trollpatrol to report comments that you feel the editors/mods should be aware of. Try not to respond to/approve/promote trollish comments in the threads — instead, just post the comment on the #trollpatrol page, the same way you'd post a comment on #groupthink or on the #cotd page, and the editors/mods will take care of it.

For meetups, use the meetup tag page!

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