If you don't wet your pants laughing at today's best comments, urine trouble.

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Alert George Costanza: 1948 Undies Prevent Shrinkage!: "September Moan will be my porn name." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to "A Confederacy Of Dunces": "How many Virginians does it take to screw in a light bulb? 3: one to do it, and two to talk about how grand the old bulb was." You say: "If at first you don't secede...?" • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to WTF Is Heidi's "Back Scooping" Surgery? Doctors Explain: "Heidi's back scoop didn't go far enough—she still has the biggest @ss of all, Spencer." • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Doll With Robot Penis Pees On Dad: "Oh Baby Pirulin Pee Pee, European everywhere!"

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Special Mention Poem Of The Day: here!

Reminder: If you see a great, funny, insightful, eloquent (or awful) comment, nominate it! Email the comment and the timestamp link to the left of the comment to Hortense at commenters@jezebel.com.

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