Best and Worst Comment of the Day in One, in response to Is Paris Hilton The New Wienerdog?: "Clearly, Paris will open the film as a disgruntled failing artist in a war-torn land. Alone in the world, she masturbates with her size 10 brush each night until a handsome young enemy soldier rushes to her door, asking for asylum. Over dinner,she drugs him with paint thinner and proceeds to sodomize him-using the ejaculate to season her microwaveable mashed potatoes. Turns out the enemy soldier was only after her uncle Samuel's rumored hidden gold, and he attempts to kill her. After defending herself and dispatching of the soldier, she dismembers him with a trowel and hides the body parts in her freezer, using the blood to make a unique dye. The dye entrances the locals and her paintings begin to sell. As it turns out, Samuel comes to claim his hidden gold and tells Paris the soldier was really her long lost brother, who had defected to enemy lines, and she finds she is pregnant with her love/ murder child. She commits suicide. The end. I feel like I need to take a shower after writing that." We say: we need a shower after reading that…a simultaneously hot and shameful shower.

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