Quit Your Job and Apply to Be a Professional Sleeper ASAP

Guys, I am sleepy. And not just right now. I am sleepy all of the time, from the minute I get up in the morning until the minute I lay down again at night (6pm). I’m so sleepy that I think that I might have Lyme disease, but I’m too lazy to go to the doctor to find out for sure. I bet you know what I mean, too, because we are all adults and this is definitely a mature adult problem.

But guess what? There’s a place for us. There’s a job for us and that job is as a professional sleeper in a luxury hotel. The only problem is that the hotel is in Finland, but, hey, if you could cover my cost of moving just for, like, right now, I think that we could totally swing a situation where we all get the job, hang out and nap in Helsinki for the next few weeks. You dig okay, Pony Boy? Yeah, you dig.

There are a few requirements to be a “professional sleeper” at the Finn Hotel. First you have to be willing to spend 35 days at the hotel, staying each night in a different room and blogging about your day-to-day experience. Also, you have to be fluent in Finnish, English and Russian, which should be no problem for you.

They’re accepting applications until the end of April, but I’ve got a good feeling about this. GOODBYE, JEZEBEL. I QUIT.