I have always held a suspicion that Ellen Degeneres is actually kind of evil. Like squeeing hamsters evil. She wouldn't actually kill them, but she'd squeeze them until they were uncomfortable. That's why it's not surprising that Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet has decided to boycott her forever.

Stonestreet, who is a veteran of Ellen's insidious id-fueled practical jokes, brought two friends to assist him in making sure that Ellen wouldn't be able to surprise him with a scary dog man or a horrific clown jumping out at him. And his friends were excellent at making sure that nothing got past them backstage. But that's the problem...the surprise wasn't backstage. Where was it? Well, you've got to watch the video for that. I'm not going to ruin the heart attack for you.

Stonestreet said that Ellen's prank has put him off the show for good, but we all know he's coming back. And he's going to get it even harder next time.