• WEtv uses sad-sack female stereotypes to try to push "Puppy Weddings" TV show. We love puppies, but we don't think puppies love weddings. • NYRA says Hooter's waitresses will have to dress appropriately if they want to play with their pretty new race horse, Big Brown.• A Canadian waitress was fired after shaving off her hair for a charity fundraiser.• A suspect has been indicted in the disappearance and murder of a Nashville Girl Scout in 1975. • A new book, This Is Who I Am: Our Beauty In All Shapes And Sizes has women pose nude and talk honestly about their body image. • McCain goes after disgruntled Clinton supporters, saying that Hillary was inspiring to his daughters. McCain: a true friend of wymyn everywhere. • Philly newspapers make fake ads for "Derrie-Air" airlines to test their advertising's effectiveness. • US military says Iraqi insurgents are exploiting women's grief and using them as suicide bombers. • Want a daring weekend To Do? The World NAKED Bike Ride takes place tomorrow—clothing optional, duh. • A climate bill to cut greenhouse gases and address global warming was defeated in the Senate today. Maybe you should take that bike ride. • After commencement speech, some whiny Harvard grads are mad because insanely popular author, J.K. Rowling, wasn't a big enough name.• The unemployment rate rose .5% last month, the biggest jump since 1986. But we're still not in a recession, right? • An Indian widow throws a totally awesome two-day mega-party in hopes of getting into heaven. • Gossip Girl author to write first series of "adult" novels, focusing on a group of gal pals who meet at a college in Maine.
"You know, we're Harvard. We're like the most prominent national institution. And I think we should be entitled to … we should be able to get anyone. And in my opinion, we're settling here."
"If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better. We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better."
Oh yeah, you settled. You moron. This Princeton grad will tell you that you should have been, like, grateful, for a speech of such, like, eloquence and wisdom.