Regular magazines are getting more like women's magazines every day. Here's where we post our egregious examples!
"I start at 10 o'clock, and I do what I call 'The Four B's' — Barney's, Bendel's, Bergdorf's, and Bloomie's." So starts one of our favoritest stories in this month's Psychology Today, the vaginamost general-audience magazine we have ever in our entire lives seen! In it, you'll find personality quizzes a la Cosmo, an advice column (Help! My boyfriend is messy!) and a succulent piece on how blogging about dating affects the way people see you ("I've always thought of myself as being in a movie, that my world is larger than life," explains Eric Schaeffer. [Yes! That Eric Schaeffer!] "I wonder why I am not an antihero.") Ok, so, Glamour would probably nix the "antihero" shit, but still! After the jump, we give Psychology Today (and its abnormally beautiful editor-in-chief Kaja Perina!) a once-over, with a few thoughts "straight from the gut":
- Page 24: Boost your man's confidence! A story called "Maxim Insecurity" tells us that guys feel insecure when they read men's mags just like we hate ourselves after reading women's mags! Not because of the buff dudes — those are for fags! — but because of the beautiful women these men are paired with, making the male readers feel insecure about their own inability to get such unattainable and attractive women
- Page 24: "Brighter Teeth, Better Life?" — Will using Whitestrips make you more self-confident? A University of Michigan efficacy study doesn't actually say anything about that. But this story will lead you to believe it does!
- Page 42: "Field Guide to the Materialist" Victoria Frances (not her full name, but there is a full picture of her in the magazine! And surprise surprise, she is thin!!) is a magazine editor who really really really loves shopping. And does she feel guilty? No! She's an "unabashed materialist, a high-end version of the mildly object-obsessed masses in our capitalist society". It's perfectly normal! But: The realization that buying things won't fill that void in your life (???) can cause ennui she says. To remedy this, Victoria plans on: Traveling to India, moving to Wyoming, and volunteering. How 'bout we check back in October on that one! How to "dematerialize"? "Be More Scholarly about Stuff" and "Embrace Your Inner Beatnik," says a sidebar (page 44).
- Page 75: "Gut Almighty" is a story about trusting your gut. It says you should trust your gut, except when you should probably ignore it because you are over-obsessing your gut's reaction to something bad. (We think that in the story, "gut" = "brain.") In fact, a strong hunch can be the beginning of a beautiful relationship, reports the magazine; we might be guided by "unconscious emotional pattern-matching that produces intuition". Hmmmm. But beware the intervention of the "gut" in the middle of a romance: Women in long-term relationships sometimes think they can "mind-read" their boyfriends but are really only looking for "relationship-threatening" triggers so they overobsesss about the negative things and fade out the positive stuff. In other words: We are fucking up our relationships! More depressing news: "Anxious women are accurate at the wrong times" (page 73).
- Page: A House Divided: Divorce-battles can lead to using kids to manipulate the other person (No crap!). They offer some tips to not be manipulative or alienating of the children. Basically, they say to stifle your emotions about your ex's new mate, and don't tell your kids your problems.
- Page 48: Unconventional Wisdom (Relationship Advice): Some woman is mad her boyfriend is messy, another woman is mad that her husband is dragging his feet about having a baby, a really sad woman is staying in her horrible marriage because she doesn't want to lose medical insurance!! (Page 49.)
- Page 52: Health & Happiness: A ballerina named Wendy Whelan is portrayed as the paragon of health and virtue. She weighs maybe 78 pounds! Also: Yoga is good for you. (Page 57)
- Page 78: The Laws of Chemistry: Women are unconsciously attracted to men with different immune systems (This explains why all our BFs are allergic to cats!!) and we trigger that attraction by smell. Social background and upbringing have little to do biologically with who you are attracted to. The author makes a list of the four personality types that lead to chemistry (?): Explorers=risk-takers, impulsive, and creative; Builders=social and popular; Negotiators=verbally skilled and good at reading others, nurturing; Directors=focused and outwardly competitive. What does this have to do with chemistry? Builders like Explorers and Directors like Negotiators. Blah blah blah. It ends with a personality test. Jezebel's Intern Maria is an "Explorer." Because she is "outgoing." Yes, and she is also fat.
- Page 87: The End of the Private Self (blogging special): Blogs blogs blogs. Hot pic of "Washingtonienne" blogger Jessica Cutler in bed! Apparently blogging might make us smarter! By keeping secrets our mind gets bogged down, but by telling them we free up our mind for more "productive" thoughts. Uh, yeah, we have REAL productive thoughts every day when we leave this job. Like: Whiskey? Or beer? Or whiskey and beer?