PSA: There's a Bald Eagle Hatching Out of Its Little Egg on a Live Cam Right Now

Illustration for article titled PSA: There's a Bald Eagle Hatching Out of Its Little Egg on a Live Cam Right Now

PIPPING AIN’T EASY, AM I RIGHT, MY FELLOW AMERICAN EAGS?

In Washington D.C. today, the Metro is grinding back to life, and two bald eagles named “Mr. President” and “The First Lady” are chilling in the Azalea Collection at the National Arboretum, waiting for their chicks to be hatched. The pair are reportedly the first bald eagles to nest there since 1947, and the whole thing is being livestreamed, à la the last season finale of Silicon Valley, at the wonderful URL of “dceaglecam.eagles.org.”

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“We are officially on egg-watch alert!” says DC Eagle Cam. “Join us in viewing the most patriotic nest cam in the United States, 24 hours a day.” You know what, I think I will, along with the eagle perv who wrote in the live chat room, Do they still mate whilst waiting for the eggs to hatch?

I would be remiss not to post the American Eagle Foundation’s disclaimer:

This is a wild eagle nest and anything can happen. While we hope that two healthy juvenile eagles will end up fledging from the nest this summer, things like sibling rivalry, predators, and natural disaster can affect this eagle family and may be difficult to watch.

“Don’t be mad if one of the eagles eats its new fam, OK?” We promise; it’s a meritocracy out here, and only the strongest pips survive.


Image via screenshot/American Eagle Foundation

Deputy Editor, Jezebel

DISCUSSION

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Every one gasped as the egg started to crack and a little beak popped out! “The baby eagle is coming!” they yelled in delight.

Then there was silence as more of the creature appeared. A head and then an arm burst into the light. Finally, the beast child slithered out as a fully formed Ted Cruz. He was covered in goo, and smiling.... though.....only 6 inches tall.

“Is that....is that what he looks like in larvae form?” All the people wondered. Several text books and encyclopedias were consulted but no consensus was arrived. “It makes sense,” several people finally said.

The Eagles, confused, tried to drop chewed mice meat into his mouth which the Ted Cruz accepted, cooing. He really seemed to enjoy the nice mice. He was yowling in a way that could have been pain but sounded slightly more like pleasure. And one person said awww, though mostly the sound of gagging filled the room. Most people said they weren’t sure “eating” would be an option again, and began calling local hospitals to inquire about elective feeding tube options.

It wasn’t all happiness though as (unfortunately) the Eagles soon realized that the Ted Cruz was not of their species. They violently pushed the baby Cruz out of their nest, shrieking in terror and disgust.

The nation isnt entirely sure where the creature went but several sources say that the tiny, naked Cruz creature ran into the wall, and they can hear him in there sometimes, scratching. We’ll update you more as this story develops.