Just a warning: we are not going to be able to contain this news to one post, or even seven. We sort of thought this kind of temerity went out of style with Henry VIII, but no! Newt Gingrich, the whole time he was leading the charge to bring down Clinton for splooging on Monica's dress, was cheating on his second wife โ€” the one he was fucking while his first wife was too busy swallowing radioactive juice to fend off cancer to swallow, ugh... you get the point. The Other Woman, former Congressional aide/apparent eye job recipient Callista Bisek, is Wife #3 now, natch โ€” though Newt couldn't well call himself a crusader for Jesus if he hadn't tried to get the church to annul the marriage to Wife #2 on the basis โ€” and maybe we should just rename this entire saga Newt: Natch! โ€” that it should never have happened in the first place, since he was already married BEFORE!

We don't know the details, and we doubt Focus On The Family chief James Dobson, whose aggressive interviewing style elicited this little chronicle in the Awesome Powers of God's Forgiveness, will want to rub salt in this clearly remorse-wracked man's open wounds. But we'll be sure to keep you updated between praying to our lord and savior for this poor man's tormented soul. By which we mean, barfing.

Gingrich Had Affair During Clinton Probe [AP]