Pharrell Has a Lot of Thoughts on 'Blurred Lines' and They're All Dumb

Wildly successful and talented producer Pharrell Williams is partially responsible for “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk and Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines,” two of the most played songs of 2013. While the biggest controversy surrounding “Get Lucky” was whether or not you wanted to stab your ears out after hearing it for the 1,200 time in a week, “Blurred Lines” faced a little more scrutiny thanks to its highly questionable lyrics and mega raunchy video.

A lot of time was clocked in dissecting “Blurred Lines.” In fact, “Is ‘Blurred Lines’ a rape anthem?” might be the actual song of the summer, having overtaken the original song in the race for internet air-play. Robin Thicke responded to criticism, saying that the song was “a feminist anthem within itself,” the models featured in the video weighed in, the VMAs happened, the estate of Marvin Gaye sued Sony for plagiarism and on and on and on.

As 2014 rolled around, you might have thought that you were finally free from hearing about “Blurred Lines” ever again. Well, wrong! Time Out London recently interviewed Pharrell and asked his thoughts on the controversy. Sadly, his comments are super dumb and completely lacking in self-awareness. Still, you should read them anyway because, well, you know you want it.

On the controversial lyrics:

“There were lots of women who wanted to understand what we meant by those lyrics. But the two lines go: ‘You don’t need no papers/That man is not your maker.’ Boom! Lyrically, you’re done: there’s nothing else to talk about. ‘That man is not your maker.’ Plus that treatment was written and shot by a female director, who’s a feminist.’

Like Pharrell, Robin Thicke often uses the “That man is not your maker” line to dismiss accusations of sexism and the song’s alleged undertone of sexual assault, but unfortunately for the pair of them, one sentence doesn’t really erase the rest of the song’s highly questionable lyrics but oh, well — the video was directed by a feminist and we all know that feminists have never gotten anything wrong ever.

Speaking of feminists, let’s talk about BOOBS.

When asked whether sexy videos are sexist (cool Q, Time Out), Pharrell responded:

“Is it sexist when you walk around in a museum and a lot of the statues have their boobs out? The women in that video weren’t doing anything sexual: they were only dancing. Just because they had their boobs out, that was ‘sexist.’ I didn’t do anything sexually suggestive to any of those women, I wouldn’t allow it. I have respect and I know the message that I want to put out. I’m a fun guy.”

He’s a fun guy. And fun guys can never do anything bad! He knows you want it! He knows you want it! BTW, it IS sexist to walk around museums where boobs are visible. It’s also sexist to go to the beach or, if you’re a lady, take a shower naked. Which is why I’m starting a movement where all women are legally required have their breasts replaced by pictures of a winking Peter Falk.

Anyway, the situations obviously aren’t comparable, but regardless — are the boobs really what had people upset about the “Blurred Lines” video? I thought it was more about the fact that the men got to keep all of their clothes on while they breathed smoke into the naked models’ faces and used their bodies as car ramps.

But please don’t think that Pharrell has a problem with women. How can he HATE them when he came from one?

“Look, I love them, because I know their importance. If women wanted to shut down this country, economically, they could just not go to work and the UK would be finished. If they wanted to kill off our species, they’d just decide not to have babies. And there’s going to be a huge shift, a huge shift. There will be a time when women get paid as much as men. There  will be a time when, like, 75 percent of our world leaders will be women. All the presidents and prime ministers. There will come a time. And I’m going to be on the right side of that shift when it happens…I want to support women, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make another song where girls’ behinds are everywhere.”

BUT WILL WE EVER HAVE A DICK THAT CAN TEAR YOUR ASS IN TWO??? Then true equality will reign.