Pete Wentz & John Mayer: Do Real Friends Let Friends Date Simpson Sisters To Begin With?

Illustration for article titled Pete Wentz  John Mayer: Do iReal/i Friends Let Friends Date Simpson Sisters To Begin With?

Who do you think is the "Coolest New Yorker" Pete Wentz has ever met? No, the better question is why in the Hades do I derive such satisfaction from the fact that Page Six Magazine posed the Fall Out Boy the following question in this week's issue and his answer came back JOHN MAYER. "He's the kind of guy that captivates you with the words he uses," Wentz adds. OMG think they're Livejournal friends? Seriously, it helps if you know that all summer there was this battle in the tabloidverse to pit John and Pete against one another and blame them for driving a wedge between Jessica and Ashlee's sisterly bond. It helps more if you know that John Mayer apparently bought Jessica Simpson a thesaurus for her birthday, just in case you didn't already suspect his comment was a thinly veiled dig at the elder worthless Simpson. And beyond that, it helps to hate both Simpson sisters thoroughly for being probably the most talentless surgically augmented spoiled blond sisterly duo this side of those girls on that reality show about the tanning salon. Are they even sisters?

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Yeah, I don't care, because all of that evidence was only in service to the necessary lead up to this probing question: why do guys who date really really lame girls purely for superficial reasons get a pass? Why especially do we give them a pass when they wryly dis said lame girls, either in our presence or in obvious code language to one another so everyone can hear? Why don't they just break up with them already and let the blondes date Brandon Davis or whatevs? And when they do, why will we allow them to find cooler girlfriends? They should endure some fucking Purgatory for this shit.

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That is all.

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DISCUSSION

He seems incredibly arrogant, and his music is sleep inducing. And giving someone a Thesauras at a birthday party is just mean.