Pete and Ariana's Loved Ones Rejoice Over Their Split

Somewhere, Ariana Grande’s nonna is running around the room, shrieking with glee and relief, for GrandSon is dead.

According to People, all of Pete Davidson and Ariana’s friends and family are completely relieved they called off their wedding and subsequently, their relationship. Quoth an insider:

“She threw herself into the relationship with Pete. She is young, but at least mature enough to realize this wasn’t the right relationship or the right time to get married. [Her loved ones] always thought the engagement to Pete happened way too quickly. They didn’t want her to get married to Pete. And Ariana never got to the wedding planning stage. It was all way too soon…

Ariana has had several stressful situations in the past couple of years. She really isn’t in a position to make huge life decisions. Her family thinks she should just focus on work and not stress about other stuff.”

Pete and Ari were living together in a $16 million luxury pad in New York’s Chelsea neighborhood at the time of their split—she purchased the place, he…made jokes about how he was her roommate—and now he’s out of there. The insider, once again, explained, “Pete’s no longer at the house because why would he be? They broke up. He has no reason to go there. Everyone on both sides are relieved it’s over.”

So where is Pete? A green room at Saturday Night Live? An overpriced loft hotel in Bushwick? Back home on Staten Island? If you’ve seen him, please, my contact information is below. Together, we can find him.