People Who Gobble Nuts Every Day Live Longer

I guess that means Amber from Clueless is gonna live forever. (90s movie snap!) (sorry.)

In a study of 118, 962 people conducted by scientists at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, Brigham and Women’s Hospital, and the Harvard School of Public Health, it was found that people who ate a handful of nuts everyday were twenty percent less likely to die early than other people. NUTS SAVE LIVES. This study was funded by an actual walnut. His name is McWealthy McWalnut and he wears a monocle and suspenders and is very serious about his nut data/indoor sunning (roasting) complex.

“The most obvious benefit was a reduction of 29 percent in deaths from heart disease – the major killer of people in America,” said Charles S. Fuchs, MD, director of the Gastrointestinal Cancer Treatment Center at Dana-Farber, who is the senior author of the report, according to a news release. “But we also saw a significant reduction – 11 percent – in the risk of dying from cancer.”

As far as what nuts you should be munching, peanuts and tree-nuts (walnuts, hazelnuts, almonds, etc) had the same effect on a person’s health. So, basically, go roll around in a big pile of nuts right now because that shit is Tuck Everlasting‘s strange spring, my friends.