This baffling promo for Paula Deen's version of Christmas will leave you wishing you lived on a distant planet where holidays had never been dreamed up in the first place.

Paula Deen Christmas specials are like Nightmare on Elm Street sequels. Nobody really wanted them after the first one or two and they are dumb as all fuck. Like most media outlets I too had trouble figuring out just what the fuck this is supposed to be for. It seems to be a bunch of footage smashed together from past Christmas specials, to get you amped up to watch Deen shove food in her face. The video is a bizarrely edited Christmas-themed advertising for the shitty and pointless Paula Deen network (which you can subscribe to for only 99 cents now, which puts her new Internet television brand on par with all the other junk you can find in the 99 Cent store.)

As she y'alls and cackles her way through piles of goopy, weird looking desserts and dishes, you'll find yourself wondering if you've been dragged into some Lovecraft-ian nightmare alternate world hellscape where there is no escape from obligatory, forced laughter and Santa hats. It's like Miracle on 34th Street meets Holy Mountain, with more pumpkin spiced bullshit.

Come taste the divinity...IF YOU DARE.