Last night was the one-hour premiere of Paula Abdul's reality show, Hey Paula, on Bravo. It's an instant classic: Not since The Anna Nicole Show has someone slurred her way into our hearts in quite the same way. Oh, and for the record, whereas Anna Nicole's jumbled speech was blamed on her "Texas drawl", Paula's is chalked up to "sleep deprivation". Uh, since when does sleep deprivation cause one to loll around like The Facts Of Life's Geri Jewell? During last night's premiere we were horrified to see that Paula's life is filled with an army of little dogs and incompetent employees (assistants who can't pack a suitcase, stylists who can't seem to keep her off the worst-dressed lists, a publicist who can't keep his client in check, etc.) No matter: Poor Paula may be pathetically wasted, but we're happily-addicted.
I was squirming through most of this show and then had to turn it off. Since she constantly complains about her love life, I think we should hook her up with Montel. They could get high together every day and be the most obnoxious C List couple in History.