Paris Hilton Wants Us To Think She's Wholesome

Illustration for article titled Paris Hilton Wants Us To Think Shes Wholesome
  • The pictures of Paris Hilton playing with puppies and wearing one-piece bathing suits on the beach? Part of an elaborate PR plan, naturally. [Page Six]
  • Ben Kingsley, 63, kisses Mary-Kate Olsen, 21, in a movie currently being filmed. Is this the proper use of the man who brought us Ghandi? [Page Six]
  • Erin Brockovich, 47, regrets her breast implants now that she's older. Imagine that! [Page Six]
  • Robin Williams was seen wandering around Greenwich, CT, looking for the location of an AA meeting. Doesn't one of those As stand for anonymous? [Page Six]
  • Sudanese model Alek Wek hints that there may be racism in fashion photography. You don't say! [Page Six]
  • NFL star Matt Leinart has settled a custody battle with his baby mama, Brynn Cameron. At the courthouse, a TMZ staffer heard Brynn say, "Britney and Paris aren't allowed to be around the baby!" Is this just something people say in Hollywood now, like "Let's do lunch?" [TMZ]
  • So you know how Van Halen is reuniting? They have a new band member, 16-year-old Wolfgang Van Halen. His dad is Eddie and his mom is Valerie Bertinelli. Good luck, kiddo! [People]
  • OMG. Britney Spears might open the MTV Awards? OMG. OMG. [E!]
  • Amy Winehouse update: Coke and heroin addiction plus fighting parents and inlaws = big trouble. Also, Amy's husband is an addict, too, big surprise. [Mirror]
  • UK "glamour model" and general trainwreck, Jordan, has a little sister, Sophie, 17. Guess what Sophie wants for her birthday? Implants and a half-naked photo shoot! [The Sun]

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I can see a new trend forming: Erin Brockovch is the 1st to speak out about regretting her "clown titties". Before you know it, women from Long Island to LA will be looking for way to take the balloons out of their own private Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Soon enough, laser surgery will be as commonplace as wisdom teeth removal. I can see it now: all the girls we went to college with flocking to clinics to erase their 'tramp stamps'.