Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Our National SexyFace Nightmare Continues

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About five months ago, I called on the actresses of the world to perhaps consider laying off the SexyFace for a minute. Well, guess what, America? SexyFace is still alive and kicking, and it's not just for the ladies anymore.

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SexyFace File #128: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, May 9, 2009 If SexyFace had an Olympics, J-Lo would be its Michael Phelps. And now, it seems, her husband has taken up SexyFace as well. This picture is just too SexyFace for Milan, New York and Japan.


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SexyFace File #647: Heidi Montag, May 13, 2009. It's not surprising that SexyFace was on full display at a party for Maxim magazine, where opening your mouth and deadening your eyes is practically a requirement to get that "hot" cover shot down. But this is especially offensive as it's an affront to Team Cake. Boo-urns!


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SexyFace Case File #527: Scarlett Johansson, March 24, 2009 In fairness, I had to go all the way back to March to find a SexyFace picture of Scarlett. Her recent red carpet pics are all smiles. Mine would be, too, if I was married to Ryan Reynolds.


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SexyFace Case File #321: Megan Fox, August 9, 2009: Ah, Megan Fox, currently the Patron Saint of SexyFace. This picture was taken at the Teen Choice Awards, mind you. Because if you need to be sexy anywhere, it's at a Nickelodeon awards ceremony.


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SexyFace Case File #322: Robert Pattinson, August 9, 2009 I can't tell if this is SexyFace or StonedFace. I think it might be both. It also might be SparklyFace. The jury is still out.


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SexyFace Case File #189: Beyonce Knowles, June 21, 2009. Don't think I didn't notice that Sasha Fierce and Sexy Face have the same initials.


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SexyFace Case File #787: Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie, August 10, 2009: Angelina is just about to laugh in this picture. This is because she's just caught a glimpse of her partner, Bradley, making a hardcore SexyFace at the camera.


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SexyFace Case File #120: Joe Jonas, June 19, 2009 Your little sister is printing this picture out RIGHT NOW.


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SexyFace Case File #377: Katy Perry, July 28, 2009. Apparently, SexyFace is what you get for Waking Up in Vegas.


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SexyFace Case File #489: Ed Westwick, June 18, 2009. I don't think Chuck Bass would approve of such nonsense, do you?


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SexyFace Case File #098: Paris Hilton, July 29, 2009 Qualifications for being Paris' BFF include a love of small dogs, the phrase "That's Hot" and SexyFace.


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SexyFace Case File #456: Miss Piggy: Oh, Miss Piggy, not you, too!


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SexyFace Case File #007: George Clooney Ok, so this isn't SexyFace at all. But it is a sexy face. This is how it's done, people!

[All Images via Getty.]