In the nine years since taking a final bow in his two major film franchises (the original LOTR and Pirates trilogies), Orlando Bloom’s star dimmed and muscles bulged as he married and divorced Miranda Kerr, became a father, sat on a curb with Selena Gomez, and got into a fight with Justin Bieber. But after sparking up a clothing optional romance with Katy Perry, it almost feels like Bloom has returned to the A-list he once pranced on as swashbuckling elf.
Perhaps this return to the spotlight is why Bloom has decided to make his Instagram public after over a year of publishing mostly boring photos of his world travels and humanitarian work to a small audience of carefully curated followers. As Vanity Fair points out, after posting his first public ‘gram (a sheet of paper on which he wrote, “I caved”), Miranda Kerr playfully commented, “Nice one!”
And that’s a good way of putting it. There’s nothing tremendously exciting here—no gratuitous butt shots or selfies of him and Katy canoodling in bed—just a collection of photos you’d expect from a wealthy, handsome, frequently unemployed, undeniably hot but arguably basic woke bae slash father of one that are sort of...nice.
There’s his son Flynn hitting the slopes.
Some old men in what appears to be Italy:
A blue door:
Documentation of his work with UNICEF:
A tongue in cheek reference to his nude paddleboard photos:
And my personal favorite, this encounter with an elephant:
Perhaps I’m falling for an meticulously crafted long game meant to increase public interest in Bloom ahead of both his upcoming resurgence in movies and television and girlfriend Katy Perry’s next album, but that’s just fine. I’m a willing pawn.