"Orgasmic Childbirth": We Are Not Making This Up

Illustration for article titled "Orgasmic Childbirth": We Are Not Making This Up

Here's two tastes we never thought we'd taste together: "orgasmic childbirth." Um, doesn't the sort of pain so intense you shit yourself generally inhibit your ability to come? Or is this one of the benefits of having a "big vagina"?

My vulva oiled and massaged to keep my hips open and my vagina fluid, I was orgasmic at the end. Petit Pierre practically slid into the world at the height of my amazement, smiling serenely even before he opened his eyes.

Yeah, ewwwwwwww. What, you wanted me to find some counterintuitive approach to this one? I'm sorry, there are weird hippie La Leche weirdos who think you should nurse your kid until he's capable of achieving a hardon, and then there are people like Prenatal Yoga And Natural Birth author Jeannine Parvati.

"I feel the baby come down. The sensation is ecstatic. I had prepared somewhat for this being as painful as my last delivery had been. Yet this time the pulse of birth feels wonderful! I am building up to the birth climax after nine months of pleasurable foreplay. With one push the babe is in the canal. THE NEXT PUSH BRINGS HIM DOWN, DOWN INTO THAT SPACE JUST BEFORE ORGASM WHEN WE WOMEN KNOW HOW GOD MUST HAVE FELT CREATING THIS PLANET....HE COMES, AS DO I."

Advertisement

My mom just came in the kitchen.

Me: "I knew you could get an orgasm from being raped, but did you know you could get one from childbirth?"

Mom: "Yeah, I actually had heard of that." Pause. "I find it really difficult to believe."

Just check out the testimonials!



Orgasmic Childbirth [Unassisted Childbirth]

Advertisement

Share This Story

Get our `newsletter`

DISCUSSION

mehblahpfft
MehBlahPfft

@kityglitr: This has nothing to do with being a prude; the LAST thing I am is a prude. This has to do with calling out bullshit. I'm sorry, but I'm going to venture that 99.9% of women AREN'T going to come while giving birth. The human body is incredibly ill-equiped (compared to other primates) to give birth (walking upright has made our birth canals teeny-weeny). I'm not saying having an orgasm wouldn't be NICE during birth, what I'm saying is, "It ain't gonna happen and if you think it will, your delusional."

Also: massage all ya want, but it won't keep you from tearing or needing an episiotomy should the need occur. No massage oil in the world will keep a 10 pound baby from tearing you if your vaginal tissue only stretches so far. OR, you could be one of those lucky women who has 5 huge babies and never needs any cutting or tearing. It's genetics, not massages.