The woman, the black, the black, the woman, the woman, the black... OMG IT'S LIKE A REALITY DATING SHOW. We like Hillary and all, except we kind of don't want to vote for her, and neither, it turns out finally, does Oprah Winfrey, who after extensive focus-grouping and analysis of the candidates' respective adherence to the Law of Attraction (i.e. coin-flipping) yesterday , finally decided to come out and endorse Barack Obama. (UPDATE: Okay, so she had endorsed him already, but then she decided to start raising serious bank for him yesterday, and that's the important part.) Anyway, we can imagine this was a tough choice for Oprah, because she's a woman, and Hillary's a woman, and Barack is black, and Oprah's black, and Oprah's from Chicago, but so are Barack and Hillary, but Hillary left, so that must have been it, right? Because it's not like you'd vote for somebody based on a thorough evaluation of their policies, priorities, voting records and level of beholdenness to various entrenched interests? We don't know, because we lean towards Obama, but some of us are fairly Caucasian. So what did to black women have to say? We searched far and wide for two undecided black women voters who would speak their minds.
Anna, who is half-black, leans towards Obama, which we presumed was because he is also half-black. Dodai, who is also of mixed race but gets out in the sun a little more than Anna [Fuck you. -Ed.] didn't know what to say, so she asked her mother, who argues that Hillary is the more experienced candidate, which Dodai explained was actually code for wanting Bill back on daily cable news badddd. "She has a picture of him in her bedroom. By her bed." Just like Elizabeth Gilbert! Who is white! And also a contributor to O Magazine!
Which settles it. Identity politics are over. It's all about bone-dentity politics. Personally, we're leaning towards Obama, but only by the transitive property of being hot for Ludacris.
Oprah's Big Barack Bash [Chicago Sun-Times]