Once Upon A Time, Sarah Haskins Was Sold A Story

Illustration for article titled Once Upon A Time, Sarah Haskins Was Sold A Story

Do you like fairy tales? Of course you do. You have a vagina. "Every woman's secret dream is to be the heroine in a fairy tale," Sarah Haskins explains. Naturally, commercials make this dream come true.

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Even when they have the buying power, women are damsels in distress! Clip below.





Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Story Time [Current]

Earlier: Me-Ouch! Sarah Haskins Gets Catty About TV Cougars
Sarah Haskins: "Laundry. It's The Woman's Drug Of Choice"
Sarah Haskins On Michelle Obama's Arms: Welcome To The Pun Show
Sarah Haskins Tackles Tough Love
Sarah Haskins Helps Women Name Their Lady Parts
Sarah Haskins Explains The Sheer Evil Of Carl's Jr. Ads
Sarah Haskins Learns Valuable Lessons From Busty Blonde: Barbie
Sarah Haskins Overwhelmed By Oscars "Ex-Plosion"
Sarah Haskins Calls Out Jez Commenters
New Year, New You: Sarah Haskins Teaches You How To Diet
Sarah Haskins Wishes You Happy Period Control
Diamonds Are Not Sarah Haskins' Best Friend
Sarah Haskins Worries That Ann Curry's Life Is In Danger
Car Commercials Drive Sarah Haskins Crazy
Sarah Haskins Takes On The Disney Princesses
Sarah Haskins: Fiber Is Secret Code For Making You Poop
Condoms, Cleaning Supplies & Crap: A Q&A With Sarah Haskins

DISCUSSION

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Dear Dairy advertising,

What's up?

Look, you're starting to creep me out. I mean, before, it was sort of okay. Milk does a body good, happy cows apparently make better cheese, okay, fine. At least you're actually talking about the product.

But...period tears? That's gross, Dairy. Really gross.

Also, yogurt should not be so obviously marketed as "the food for women". We get it. Stop going on about how it's low fat and has fruit in it and is like a real food substitute. We know why we're -really- supposed to eat it. Because there's good bacteria in it which may be good for our vag's. You can stop being coy already.

Also, Dairy? On the cream cheese front, you're not fooling anyone with your air commercials in heaven or putting little bits of it on crackers. That stuff belongs on bagels. The good kind, from New York. And it's not low in fat just because people with wings on eat it.

Stop pretending.

Thank you,

Me