Oprahbama captivated the nation over the weekend, which gave all the newspapers yet another chance to dwell on whether Oprah can do for Barack with black people/women what Bill can do for Hillary with black people/women. Also, Mike Huckabee thinks gays should be quarantined — may we suggest an airport bathroom!! — and Robin Givhan thinks Hillary's pantsuits look like Garanimals and Megan and I ogle over how pretty Michelle Obama's outfits are while sharing embarrassing photos of ourselves from Chelsea's awkwardest year, 1993. A most estrogenous crappy hour after the jump!
Moe: Do you want to talk about Oprahbama ? I have to post at today.
do you have time?
Megan: Sure, I'm good.
Moe: Okay, so I kept reading about events and getting them confused...18,500 people showed up in Iowa and 29,000 showed up in South Carolina. And I kept reading all these stories that said things like "the Democratic primary vote is 55% African American" and thinking, "Really, in Iowa?" Anyway, here's what happened: there were two Oprah Obama events, with wildly different weather conditions, and 50,000 people showed up in all, and blah blah blah a lot of puns. Namely: "O-Mentum"
Megan: Oh, geez, that's a pretty bad pun.
Moe: Did you read anything more illuminating? I have to say this was the first I'd heard of Obama leading black voters in a state...apparently he has a double-digit lead among South Carolina black voters, while Hillary leads among women.
it's the sort of identity politics that has eluded this whole primary campaign!
I guess they got the memo!
Megan: Do the newspapers write anything illuminating these days?
Moe: Rhetorical question!
Megan: But, no I didn't. Plus, I don't want to, I dunno, cynically suggest that Oprah was more of a draw for people than Obama
But, I did line up once in a mall to get my picture taken with a Days of Our Lives star
So, I'm gonna suggest it.
I also have to say that Oprah's response (which Obama can't say) to the question of whether he should wait until he's older was the best thing anyone's said all year: "Think about where you'd be in your life if you waited when the people told you to. I wouldn't be where I am if I waited on the people who told me it couldn't be."
Moe: See, yeah, I think it really makes a difference where you grew up in terms of who you'll show up to see. I mean, I grew up in a city, so I'm not easily starstruck, until you get me in a room with, you know, Dave Chappelle or Elvis Costello or something. But yeah. Also: that "Bill's been with more black women than Barack thing...net positive or negative for Barack?
And Gennifer Flowers' endorsement: net positive or negative for Barack?
Megan: Ohhhh, that's kinda bad actually- to Barack. That's a total insult in the African-American community, to be the kind of guy who mostly goes out with white girls. I literally sucked in through my teeth when I read that. Plus, OMG, seriously? Are African-Americans really earnestly like "Bill was our first black President, so we can wait to have another one?"
Also, Gennifer Flowers: do people really care what she has to say?
I think she just said it to get back in the news. Jim and I were like: how is it that Clinton only poked the crazies?
Moe: I think Monica is totes sane! But you're right, Hillary seems a little unstable...
Okay, all that said. I know it's not cool to be the dude who only fucks white girls
Megan: So, compared to a megalomaniac, everyone else looks normal?
Moe: But it's pretty clear that Barack Obama has done it with at least one black woman! And DAMN did she look good in South Carolina.
Megan: Michelle always looks good! I have a total girl crush on Michelle!
Moe: I know but her jacket was extra cute. And it was, like, a jacket with puffy sleeves most tall girls wouldn't try to pull off.
Megan: OMG, do you think she has a fashion consultant or something?
Moe: I'll post pix.
Um, Lourdes has a stylist! Seriously though, I wonder how many stylists are getting fired over Robin Givhan's calling Hillary's pantsuits Garanimals.
Robin Givhan can't leave Hillary alone
She should really write about Michelle Obama but then she'd give herself away.
Megan: I mean, seriously, put a woman in a pair of heels and even chunky legs look thinner. Even I know this!
Moe: Yeah, and honestly, where is Chelsea when her mom needs wardrobe help? Chelsea always looks put together these days, and Chelsea is way less naturally pretty than mom. Did you notice that little story about them campaigning together? Chelsea sounds kind of stiff and sales-y, traipsing around saying shit like "So, what can I tell you that will make you more likely to vote for my mom..." and generally not being much of an asset, but it doesn't matter because every other lady she bumps into is like, Chelsea! Oh my god! You're so pretty! You're so pretty and you used to be so ugly! It's like some fairy princess shit!
Megan: Awww, I have to say, I don't think Chelsea was ever as fug as people say. She was like 13 when her dad was elected and forced to stand next to those really pretty Gore girls.
If I had a photo of myself at 13, I would totally upload it to make her feel better. Because I, too, was heinous. I also had 3 inch bangs.
Moe: omg I have one on my Myspace
wait, i do have one from 1993, and it's not quite as bad but it ain't good
Moe: And here you go! Embarrassing fact: I was actually 14.
Megan: Oh, that's so cute! Also, my pictures are very, very similar. And, wow, your sister practically looks the same today.
Moe: I'm thinking I look a lot dorkier. But anyway, so I related to Chelsea; she made me feel better about myself.
Oh, ok two more things.
Is Huckabee, between this rape thing and this AIDS thing and all that shit — is he going to finally go away or is he going to spent the next few months consuming a precious chunk of my outrage I'd rather waste on somewhat more intelligent subjects? And that thing that Young said about Obama not having the right "network" to be president — if you get voted president, that's pretty much all the network you need, right? I mean, who's gonna freeze you out when you're president?
Megan: I'm going to say: not going away. I mean, really, really not going away.
Also, I'm curious what kind of "network" one needs to be President. I actually think that sounds all kinds of shady
Also, here's my photo from 1993: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=279131099&albumID=47181&imageID=3589364
Moe: You were totally less of a dork than me! That's okay, I caught up to you.