"OMG Barack Blowbama Totally Did Cocaine!?! Do You Think He INHALED?"

Illustration for article titled iOMG Barack Blowbama Totally Did Cocaine!?! Do You Think He INHALED?/i

HFS WTF we have learned the secret dark lord behind the Clinton campaign and it is PEREZ HILTON. Neck-and-neck with Obama in pretty much every major state, Clinton campaign advisor Bill Shaheen gave an interview to the AP yesterday and brought up the little-known fact that Obama DID COCAINE A FEW TIMES, THOUGH ONLY WHEN HE COULD AFFORD IT. "There are so many openings for Republican dirty tricks," he said. "It's hard to overcome." Ummmmm, here's the thing, Bill: the American populace is preposterously uninformed about most everything, but we're pretty sure cocaine is an exception. And what did the American populace learn about cocaine this year? Well, that you can be really rich, and do outrageous, like, Cheetos sized bags of the shit, and still keep your endorsement contracts, your magazine covers and your Grammy nominations. And isn't that what really matters? Wellll? After the jump Megan and I debate that, and also, the magnitude of Mitt Romney's asshole...I MEAN...


Moe: So are we excited that the Clinton campaign has reduced itself to this? I keep going back and forth. Like, I'm totally psyched Obama has been upfront about the drugs he did for the past ten years or whatever, but I'm also totally psyched that on this issue, he did the "white" thing and blew it up his nose instead of freebasing it or, you know, something that could be construed as "whack." And I'm totally psyched to have "Didn't I Blow Your Mind This Time" in my head, but I'm also totally annoyed that we're getting this bullshit from the campaign that never even inhaled. Like, what do they know about illicit drugs then? If they never even inhaled...
Megan: I also love that Hillary's campaign isn't concerned for their sake, for the primaries, but it's about how the Republicans could savage him if they win. They're thinking about the party, see?
Moe: Oh I know, so thoughtful of them!
Megan: But, seriously, show me a Republican candidate who has never snorted some coke and I'll show you Mike Huckabee
Oh, wait
But, luckily, he doesn't believe in negative campaigning.
Speaking of snorting.
Also, Hillary never said she didn't inhale.
She TOTALLY inhaled.
Moe: I bet Mitt Romney has never snorted coke but I bet he has had lots of ADD drugs. Teh Mormons loooove the psychopharmacology
We don't have a lot of time today, but I haven't seen any talking heads or talking points memos spouting off on this. What are they saying?
Megan: On Romney and the drug industry? Strangely silent.
Moe: Ok, nothing on Slate, nothing on Talking Points and nothing on Atrios on this Blowbama story. Are they trying to conceal his ILLICIT DRUG USE???
Megan: Well, ahem, because it's a totally transparent hatchet job in which they don't hwant to be complicit?
Oh, shit, [wipes tear] I crack myself up.
5 minutes
Moe: Also, my god, I know we've been distracted by Huckabee, but Mitt Romney is such a dick. Such, such, such a dick. My brother sent me this Roger Cohen column today (who the fuck is Roger Cohen, anyway?) and I wrote him back saying "OMG who is worse Romney or Huckabee," and he was like "Romney's basically harmless, just power hungry, and at least he has a private sector background though I'd never vote for him except against Edwards," and I was like, TWO THINGS, mister. People with these so-called "private sector backgrounds" are a hundred times shadier than people without them, how do you think they wound up with all the money in this country, think on that for a second. And also: he's Mormon. I know we're supposed to be all PC and say, "that's just like being Catholic," but guess what? It's not! Also: his "Let me see the data" bullshit when he doesn't know the answer to a question: I mean, maybe it's redundant to call bullshit "bullshit" when you just referred to it as "bullshit," but hey, it's like, "Talk to me when these hours are billable." God I hate management consultants. Okay, that's all. How are you feeling this morning?
Megan: Well, but you sorta got give Romney credit where credit is due. Unlike our current CiC, the man didn't fuck up and lose all his money. And if he actually gets back to someone (which I'm sure he doesn't, because he seems like an arrogant SOB like the rest of them), then I'd rather he admit to not knowing than shoot his mouth off. Sort of like Minte 1:05 of this little Canadian gem.
Um, I actually sorta stayed up late baking Christmas cookies last night, so my house smells like cookies that I can't eat. The torture is the only thing keeping my eyes open.
Moe: Oh, yum! I was thinking how the last time I baked cookies it was because I was anorexic. Fun times!
Megan: Also, I was totally digging through opensecrets.org to try to figure out if the pharma companies were giving Romney big money and they're like not on anyone's top 10 list.
Also, I was totally digging through opensecrets.org to try to figure out if the pharma companies were giving Romney big money and they're like not on anyone's top 10 list.
Moe: Hahaha that video is cute.
Megan: Right?
But all the main R candidates main industry is retired people.
Like, their biggest contributors are old people. Dammit, old people, don't you have better things to do with your money?
Moe: What about insurance companies and defense contractors? Also, Romney doesn't need campaign contributions REMEMBER? He's a centimillioniare!
Megan: No! It's wild! It's all Wall Street and old people!
Moe: OH MY GOD, seriously old people! spend it on prescription drugs and assisted living already!
Megan: Well, and for Romney, Marriott, obviously
Moe: Spend it on sending your grandchildren to private school or whatever!
Megan: How funny is it that the Mormon hotel change won't guarantee me a non-smoking room EVER?
Moe: Weird! Ironic even! Speaking of, I know some people who once snorted cocaine off a hotel Bible! Or maybe it was a book of Mormon. There should totes be a website, just of pictures, of hotel room holy books, with lines on them. That would be so viral!
Okay if anyone is still listening here, at this point, will some reader with Photoshop skills please make me a Perez-style Blowbama graphic? Kthanxbye
Megan: See, I only publish photos of Obama looking hot because that's what I prefer to look at.
Moe: OMG I prefer to look at this Vibe cover.

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I read this in his first autobiography and I KNEW it was going to come up. I was actually surprised it didn't sooner, or maybe they were waiting for a more crucial time for voters.