Former Cosmo EIC Helen Gurley Brown is a self-proclaimed "diet nut," and Esquire unearthed this terrible-sounding recipe that Brown offered for a 1984 issue of the magazine. The recipe is for "Skinny Hot-Buttered Rum" and consists of fake butter, fake sugar, boiling water and rum. "I substitute fake ingredients for all of the fattening ones, and it's delicious," Helen insists. Maybe it's "delicious" because you're too drunk to notice? Esquire also has a recipe for Nancy Reagan's Monkey Bread, but we're not touching that one. [Esquire, Esquire]