Okay, Maybe Madonna Did Not Get Butt Implants

Illustration for article titled Okay, Maybe Madonna Did Not Get Butt Implants
Image: Getty

On New Year’s Eve, Madonna trotted out a passable rendition of “Like A Prayer” in a surprise appearance at the Stonewall Inn. During said appearance, anyone with eyes surely noticed that Madge appeared to be smuggling a honey baked ham into the club, because her butt looked entirely different than any other iteration of her butt the public has ever seen.


Many wondered if she had gotten butt implants. Others wondered if she had stuffed her butt with the aforementioned ham, or maybe some padding, or maybe a spare sweatshirt and a few tees in case she got cold. Personally, I am not sure what’s happening here with the butt, but it looks kind of like she maybe did get an implant or three and it has yet to settle? Do butt implants settle? The evolution of Kim Kardashian’s rear end has led me to believe that over time, the implants sort of realign themselves within the bod in a way that works with the natural aging process—if your formerly-pert, natural butt starts to succumb to gravity, the implants that you put in there will also do the same. My theory, based entirely on speculation, is that Madonna maybe got butt implants and has yet to let them “set.”

Here is what Madonna has to say about that:

This response is perfect.


Journey back with me to 2002, when people wore jeans so low that their pubis was exposed, and a little show called American Idol made its debut. Ryan Seacrest was there, but so was Brian Dunkelman—memba her?


Chances are you don’t, and that is maybe why he’s driving Uber for a living—an honorable living, a job, money, who cares!!—and also why he is defending himself against the cretinous Harvey Levin and TMZ for job-shaming (?) on Twitter.


I know it seems fun and flirty to find the formerly famous, see what they’re up to for work, and then post it on your website for a billion people to see, but I don’t know, man! Everyone needs to work, including the aforementioned cretin, Who cares what Brian Dunklelman is doing? I do not! Chances are you don’t, either!!


Illustration for article titled Okay, Maybe Madonna Did Not Get Butt Implants
Screenshot: E! News

Okay ma’am, I won’t.

[E! News]

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Senior Writer, Jezebel



It is mind boggling to me how sites like TMZ make fun of people like Lindsey Lohan for clinging to their fame years after they were relevant and then also make fun of people who say “I tried, it wasn’t working the way I wanted it to so now I’m doing something else.” like Dunkelman and the guy from Cosby Show who was working at Trader Joe’s.