Ohio Lawmaker Proposes Legislation Aimed to Regulate Old Dicks

Illustration for article titled Ohio Lawmaker Proposes Legislation Aimed to Regulate Old Dicks

Ohio State Senator Nina Turner (Cleveland-D) has added her own piece of legislation to the growing body of dick-regulation measures proposed by lady lawmakers at their wit's end with conservative attempts to restrict women's access to comprehensive healthcare. Turner's bill — Senate Bill 307 — would require any man seeking a prescription for Viagra to see a sex therapist, receive a cardiac stress test, and get a notarized affidavit signed by a sexual partner affirming impotency, a series of humbling steps that closely mirrors the process a woman seeking an abortion has to endure as per Texas' infamous sonogram bill.


Turner's bill is a direct response to House Bill 125 proposed to Ohio Congressman Lynn Wachtmann. Wachtmann's bill — the "Heartbeat bill" — would prohibit abortion as soon as a heartbeat is detected in a fetus, which is at around 6 weeks. Wachtmann confused his similes when he dismissed a comparison to Turner's bill, saying that the two were like "apples and bananas," a telling Freudian slip if we do say so. Said Washtmann, "I understand some women think my bill is a personal affront. Protecting the unborn - to compare this to Viagra is not even related."

Though it's unclear if Wachtmann's bill has been motivated by a deep resentment for women that stems from a childhood of being picked on for his considerably feminine first name, he's right that he and Turner's bills aren't even related — the Viagra bill actually makes a little sense, since there are real heart risks posed by popping the famous boner-inducing pill. Turner added that her goal is to protect men from the latent dangers of pharmaceutical sex.

Even the FDA recommends that doctors make sure that assessments are taken that target the nature of the symptoms, whether it's physical or psychological. I certainly want to stand up for men's health and take this seriously and legislate it the same way mostly men say they want to legislate a woman's womb.

It will be interesting to see how men respond to this short of dismissing it altogether the way Wachtmann did, since furious indignation would turn the tables in the contraceptive debate and put conservative male lawmakers on their heels, and silence would show that at least some GOP anti-abortion stalwarts are ashamed at their own rhetoric.

Bill introduced to regulate men's reproductive health [Dayton Daily News]



I have to ask: Is there a birth control car on the NASCAR circuit?

Like an Orth-Tricyclin car, or a Yaz speedster?

Perhaps a prophylactic Pontiac? A sponge Saab? A nanoxynyl Nissan? Diaphragm Dalorean?