The entire world is bored as hell today because they’re seriously debating how a dog would wear pants if dogs wore pants.
This movement of inanity was spurred by Maxim deputy editor Jared Keller, who posited the question last night on Twitter:
And now, because nobody has shit else to do, this has become A Thing.
UM I’M SORRY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION? WHAT THE FUCK? AM I BEING GASLIGHTED BY THE ENTIRE WORLD?
Obviously if dogs wore pants they would wear them as depicted in the illustration on the right. How could this possibly be a contentious debate? Is everyone stupid but me?!
Fact: Pants have two legs, not four.
Fact: Those four-legged pants wouldn’t even stay up. Are we also producing large oblong belts in this ludicrous parallel dog pants world?
Fact: The first pant scenario doesn’t even cover the dog’s butt, which is like, a really major thing that pants are supposed to do.
Fact: We already have dog pants. This has been decided.
Hey guys, I get it. There’s not much going on right now and our standards for what is interesting have temporarily plummeted. Perhaps everyone is just looking to recreate the batshit hysteria of The Dress brouhaha. But come on, people. You’re better than this. We’re better than this. This is how a dog would wear pants:
End of story.
I hate you all, myself included.
Contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org .
Images via Jared Keller.