Part of the experience of covering an event like Coachella as a member of The Media includes receiving a barrage of emails leading up to the festival inquiring about interviews, photos, and partaaays.

One such invite I received was for a pool party at the ambitiously-dubbed “Influential House.” We like pools and we like parties so I RSVP with a hearty “yes” for Jane Marie and myself. The party is billed as being very, very secret. The publicist who invited me sends an address where we are to meet a shuttle that will then escort us to the party’s location.

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The day before the event I receive a follow-up email from the publicist informing me that a VERY SECRET surprise performance will be taking place at the pool party. She can tell me who will be performing but the information must be embargoed because IT IS VERY, VERY SECRET.

I pinky promise with myself not to tell anyone and then relay that information to the publicist. She informs me that the Black Eyed Peas will be premiering a new song and celebrating the 20th anniversary of their time as a band. I get this email while in the car with Jane Marie and scream out, “TWENTY YEARS???” Because HOLY HELL THE BLACK EYED PEAS HAVE BEEN A BAND FOR TWENTY YEARS, GOOD GOD.

The morning of the party I get another email from the publicist, this time letting me know that the shuttle to the party will not, in fact, be running, so we’ll have to drive ourselves. This is fine. She gives us the party’s address and asks me to “please please” not share the location because THIS IS A SUPER SECRET POOL PARTY YA HEARD?

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The time finally arrives and Jane Marie and I head to the super secret location for the Black Eyed Peas pool party and surprise performance. This is what we saw.

This drone.

These hot dogs, which were delicious.

This cornhole game.

These gladiator sandals.

This trampoline.

These board games.

This aloe vera.

This painting.

This other painting.

DJ Crystal Hefner.

These Doritos.

This pie.

This inflatable swan.

This girl who looked exactly like Shailene Woodley from a distance but less so when she smiled.

This contraption that shot out smoke holes.

Kristen Schaal.

This guy’s leg hair.

I was told that the Black Eyed Peas would be performing at 3:30 p.m.—something I began to doubt the second we arrived. When 3:40 strikes, I find a capable-looking woman wearing a walkie talkie and ask when the SUPER SECRET SURPRISE PERFORMANCE will be taking place. She gives me a look that says, “Aw, honey, you believed that?” I accept her pity because I deserve it.

Five minutes later she finds me and announces that the performance will not be happening. We grab two more free bottles of water, because it is hot as hell out here, and leave—slightly rejected but curiously satisfied.

As far I know, the Black Eyed Peas never showed up. However, according to another email I received, Fergie did attend the festival in a very expensive designer tank top.

Top image via Getty.


Contact the author at kara.brown@jezebel.com .

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