Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Oh, Just Shut Up About The Cankles Already

Illustration for article titled Oh, Just Shut Up About The Cankles Already

Ugh, that's enough, Cankles. We know you're having your moment in the sun, because women need one more thing to hate about their bodies, and god forbid anyone have less-than-shapely ankles, for fuck's sake, but you need to GTFO.


According to ABC Health, "While you were busy worrying about "muffin-topping" over the waistband of your jeans or the "cottage cheese" on your thighs, you should have been fretting over the shapeliness of your ankles. A growing number of Americans are working to eliminate unwanted ankle fat. "Cankles," or less-than-svelte ankles, are the thunder thighs of the new millennium." O RLY!?

You know what? There is no fucking way in hell that I should be worrying about the shapeliness of my goddamn ankles. I also should not have been worrying about "muffin-topping" or "thunder thighs," and I suspect most women wouldn't worry about such things either if these fucking trend pieces didn't insist upon drilling it into women's minds that they need to be physically perfect at all times or else. Are "cankles" the new "muffin-tops?" Sure, if you mean "a completely idiotic term coined in order to push diet plans and gym memberships while shaming women into feeling even worse about themselves."


Can we just stop this bullshit, please? Please? Cankles, cougars, muffin tops, tramp stamps, thunder thighs: we're all adults, so why are we still pushing this crap as if it has any real relevance whatsoever? Why are we talking about our bodies the way 7th graders would in the locker room? Why has the Universe decided to become a live-action version of Judy Blume's Blubber? Why can't we focus our attention on the things that matter when it comes to weight and nutrition, like, say, heart disease, the number one killer of women? Why must it always be about an idiotic obsession with one body part? If it's not your abs, its your ankles. If it's not your ankles, it's your arms. If it's not your arms, it's your thighs. If only we paid so much attention to our brains, eh?

So no, ABC Health, women shouldn't feel bad about the shape of their ankles. Nor should they be worried about their "thunder thighs" or "muffin tops." If anything, we should be worried that this garbage is held up as a real problem to fret over, and that nobody is bothering to stop for a second and say, "Hey, this shit is stupid and it hurts women." Perhaps instead of demanding that women start to hate yet another part of themselves, we should be pushing the idea that you don't need the shapeliest ankles on the block to get out there and kick some ass.

Cankles: The New Muffin Top? [ABC Health]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



I was at the gym yesterday, and the TV nearest me was tuned to Good Morning America. I saw this ridiculous story, and I exchanged a significant look with the woman on the treadmill next to me. With our eyes, we said "really, we have one more thing we have to worry about...and this time it's freaking ankles."

BTW, the video included

1) a reporter doing squats while wearing 3"+ heels

2) a woman who had had cankle-slimming surgery.