Offensive Slurs in Kim Kardashian Hollywood Are Lies, Damned Lies

Kim Kardashian has taken to her weblog to clear the air on a topic near and dear to all of our hearts: Kim Kardashian Hollywood, an interactive smartphone game that everyone loves spending real human currency on. Apparently, some malicious spirit has wedged its way into the program (that’s how hacking works, right?) and is making some of the virtual characters speak in offensive tongues.

Two days ago, Buzzfeed noted that some “strange and offensive text” has popped up within the virtual paradise that is Kim Kardashian Hollywood:

Other things in-game players were made to say: “suck my ass” and “Willow Pape can go down on a dick.” (Willow Pape is your eternal rival but, sadly, throwing drinks on her only helps you get famous when you’re on the D-list.)

Don’t worry, says Kim Kardashian, racial slurs and ass-sucking requests have nothing to do with me; they are a result of the hack that everyone downloaded because we’re all greedy and love cheating our way through life:

I have to clarify a false report about my new game app. The screenshots in this article show some offensive greetings being used, which are from a hacked version of the game–not the REAL version. To clarify: Nothing inappropriate is included in any part of my game! Just wanted to clear the air. Thank you for all the support so far. I’m glad you are loving the game as much as I do! Xo

Thank goddess the purity of the game had been preserved in our minds. (In an update to the original article, Buzzfeed clarifies that the hack is probably behind all the weirdness and that also players are capable of customizing their own greetings.)

The only offensive greeting in the official version of Kim Kardashian Hollywood is when that horrible guy with green hair who lingers in the bar in Beverly Hills tells you that he’d like to read Joyce together — EVEN WHEN YOU ARE THE #1 CELEBRITY IN THE WORLD WHO HAS NO TIME FOR TRASH LIKE HIM. Also, when Kim makes you “hand hug” her. What even is a hand hug?