Not to spoil the surprise for anyone who’s been in a fugue state or blissfully, mercifully dead, but the election didn’t go our way. We’ve elected a racist, sexist, Islamophobic, deeply stupid throbbing Day Glo pustule to the highest office in the land. I feel pretty sad about it. How about a t-shirt that says all that and more, though?

Jezebel’s online store is now selling shirts featuring every description we ever wrote to accurately name and depict the shrieking Hieronymous Bosch triptych that we’ve just elected. They’re pretty good shirts, sold in both men’s and women’s cuts. It’s a cute idea. Nobody who works here and wrote these descriptions is going to make any money off these babies, but I don’t wholly object to their existence, because we did good work and everybody needs to wear a shirt. Why not this shirt?

Illustration by Jim Cooke

Bearing all that in mind, buy more of our stuff here.

Anna Merlan was a Senior Reporter at G/O Media until September 2019. She's the author of Republic of Lies: American Conspiracy Theorists and Their Surprising Rise to Power.

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