Now You Can Listen to Lindsay Lohan's Hysterical Phone Call About Her Mom's Coke Rampage

This has been one fucked up day for the Lohan clan. Like, I can’t really even follow what’s been going on. But as far as I can tell, Lindsay and Dina partied all night and eventually got into an argument about an errant $40k that Lindsay had loaned her mom. Then they clawed at each other’s faces for a while until Lindsay called her dad and told him she was being kidnapped, and that “[Mom’s] on cocaine.” Oh, Lindsay also called Dina “the fucking devil” and said (not on the recording) that Dina needs to go to rehab. So, you know, Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!! [HONK HONK] Michael, naturally, being a classy kind of guy, recorded his phone conversation with his fragile, hysterical daughter and handed it over to TMZ. Because sure.

Michael: “You do everything for everyone-you gave mom 40 thousand?”
Lindsay: “Yes.”
Michael: “When did you give it to her?”
Lindsay: “Because she needs to keep her house.”
Michael: “She’s full of shit. She’s lying to you, Lindsay. She’s lying.”
Lindsay: “Me and [Lindsay’s brother] Michael did it for her. Me and Michael did it.”

“Dad, she’s on cocaine, she’s like touching her neck and shit.”

Lindsay: She said disgusting things to me.
Michael: She’s horrible Lindsay.
Lindsay: She just said I’m dead to her. I’m dead to her now.
Dina (in the background): That’s right, you’re dead to me.

THEN THIS MORNING THEY HUGGED BECAUSE BYGONES. [TMZ] [X17] [Radar] [NYDN] [E!]

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Prince Harry‘s ye olde magnum dong reportedly made the city of Las Vegas $23 million in tourism dollars. Here is a bunch of nonsense words about it:

One full-page LCVA ad placed in USA Today slammed the partygoers who sold the prince out and leaked his naked pictures. “For everyone’s sake, it’s important that ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,'” said Cathy Tull, senior vice president of marketing for the LVCVA, per Vegas Inc. “However, in moments of enthusiasm, actually keeping memories in Las Vegas takes commitment. Today’s ad was a cheeky reminder to all our visitors that it’s important to ‘Know the code,’ and most importantly, ‘Protect the code.'” (What happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas-duh!)

Kay? [E!]

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Oh, look! Kirk Cameron is talking again:

“Sometimes, when a Christian is asked a question and has a conviction about not backing down and wussing out…it can get you into some hot water,” Cameron said.

Cameron also claimed he was “drug out to the public square” and “stoned so to speak” and “crucified” after he had “blasphemed the God of Political Correctness” with his anti-gay views.

Yes, Kirk. You certainly have been victimized by all those human beings asking you to please not poo all over their human rights. You are literally exactly just the same as Jesus Christ. [Radar]

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In other celebrities-blabbing-about-their-shitty-ideas news, Stacey Dash is upset about the backlash to her Romney endorsement:

“I don’t understand it. I don’t get it…I was shocked, saddened,” Dash told Piers Morgan. “Not angry. Saddened and really shocked. But you know what, you can’t expect everyone to agree with you.”

Some critics attacked Dash, who’s African American, on racial grounds for supporting Romney.

In response, Dash paraphrased Martin Luther King, Jr., saying, “I chose him [Romney] not by the color of his skin, but the content of his character.”

When reached for comment, the ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr. replied: UGH, LINEMOUTH 😐 [Politico]

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• Justin Bieber got his shit stolen at the Tacoma Dome. [AP]
• The first trailer for that Alfred Hitchcock biopic is up! Here are some stills. There was some controversy about this yesterday (“Scarlett’s has a completely different face though!”), so I just want to ask: You guys know that Scarlett Johansson can’t look exactly like Janet Leigh because she literally is a different human being, right? Why is this so controversial? Are you also confused that biopics aren’t cast entirely with celebrity impersonators? [E!]
• RIP Alex Karras. [E!]
• Kathy Griffin went outside with her boyfriend, causing a professional writer to craft the headline, “It’s Cougar Time!” [Radar]
• Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick visited a “celebrity wedding planner,” so you know what that means! (Attention!!!!!) [HeraldSun]
• Kelly Clarkson is emblaaaaaarged! [ONTD]
• Fat people are too fat to be Ursula the Sea Witch. [ONTD]
• A paparazzi photographer is being called to testify in Britney‘s defamation lawsuit. [X17]
• Universal has bought an untitled comedy feature to be written and produced by Rebel Wilson. [VH1]
• Impooooortaaaaant. [Pinterest]