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Noted Clean Person Jolie Kerr Is Here and Taking Your Questions

Illustration for article titled Noted Clean Person Jolie Kerr Is Here and Taking Your Questions

Hi ho! Since my book, My Boyfriend Barfed In My Handbag ... And Other Things You Can't Ask Martha, came out on Tuesday we figured that instead of running a regular edition of Squalor today, I'd hang out here for an hour or so and do a live chat with you. Cool? Cool!

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But wait! There's more!

This chat will run until 3pm EST; immediately after it ends I'll take to Twitter to answer your toughest questions; use the hashtag #stumpjolie to give me your best shot. Two people with the best/worst/grossest/barfiest questions from Twitter as well as two people who offer the best comments/questions/horror stories in this live chat will receive a signed copy of the book, along with a Penguin tote bag and a bottle of white vinegar.

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Oh and since I have you: An archive of the topics I've covered since joining Jezebel and Deadspin last March can be found here. I'm just going to leave that for you, as a token of my affection.

Okay, whatcha got? Wanna talk about barf? Martha? House of Cards? You tell me.

ETA: Okay gang, I've gotta split but come on over to Twitter for more fun! And I'm so happy to say that TheInfantTyrone and TheWhistlingFish have won signed copies of the book for their great questions about befouled mattresses and the smell issues attendant to pot-farming. Please email me (joliekerr@gmail.com) so I can arrange to get the books to you!

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Image via Olva Kovalenko/Shutterstock.

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DISCUSSION

jennasauers
Jenna Sauers

Hi Jolie,

How can I clean a previous tenant's disgusting self-tanner off my bathroom fixtures?

My bathroom sink is smeared with strange, beige stains. It looks like the girl who used to live here spilled her foundation or maybe even self-tanner (this is the Midwest) on the bathroom countertop and then, instead of cleaning it up, rubbed it in. When I moved in, there were beige smears on the doorframes, windowsills, and the kitchen cabinets. (The girl left the place a real mess. The beige marks were definitely the weirdest part of her dirt, though. I imagine her cavorting around, smearing self-tanner all over her studio in some kind of stoned sorority ritual.)

Scrubbing with white vinegar took care of the rest of the orange-beige smears. But the stains on the bathroom sink and countertop won't budge. The sink and countertop are made of solid surface acrylic/polyester resin with a matte finish. So far, I have tried: vinegar, Soft Scrub, super heavy duty nasty chemical shower cleaner left on overnight, a paste of baking soda left on overnight, bleach, and — first gently, because I was worried about damaging the finish, and then vigorously, because the goddamn stains were not budging — a melamine sponge.

I am at my wits' end. I'm sick of looking at some stranger's gross Boehner-colored stains. I have enough stains of my own to worry about. I want her stains to go away. Short of fine-grit sandpaper and/or a new bathroom counter, do I have any options?

Best, and thanks,

Jenna

PS: a pic of some of the stains, note they look worse in person: