North Carolina Aims to Eradicate Uncovered Boobs

Heads-up, women who enjoy being topless in North Carolina, your (boobs’) time (in the warm southern sun) may soon come to an end. A GOP-backed bill is headed to NC’s House that would amend the current indecent exposure law to expand the definition of “private parts”. Under the new bill, “private parts” explicitly includes “the nipple, or any portion of the areola, of the female breast.” Because TITS ARE TERRIFYING!!!

Are we seriously wasting our time and money on this shit?

Yes. Yes, we are. And apparently it’s stemmed become some Republicans are pissed about feminist protests:

Co-sponsor Rep. Rayne Brown, R-Davidson, told members of the House Judiciary Committee on Wednesday that her bill was triggered by topless rallies promoting women’s equity that were held during the last two years in Asheville. Though her district is more than a two-hour drive from Asheville, Brown said her constituents are concerned whether the topless protests are legal.

So, Rep. Brown is so disturbed by equality that she’s trying to push legislation to shut women up? Come on, it’s ASHEVILLE! If you take nudity away from them, what will those awesome hippies have left? Besides some damn good vegan restaurants, and a surplus of Tevas? Leave Asheville alone! Besides, you can put back on their tops, but you can’t take away their bullhorns.

Plus, as Rep. Annie W. Mobley, D-Hertford, suggested, a woman wanting to get around the proposed law could simply cover her nipples with tape.

“You know what they say, duct tape fixes everything,” agreed Rep. Tim Moore, R-Cleveland. Har de har har. But really, this is why we are an empire in decline. However, if they did go with the tape thing, it would mean their topless protests would get the same amount of press. Actually, it might be more because the duct tape makes it even weirder. So, yes. This is totally useless.

At least there’s exceptions made for breastfeeding moms and “sexually oriented nightclubs”. For now.

The proposed bill now goes from committee to House, and if it passes there, it’ll head to Senate vote, and finally to the governor.