Noodle Shop's 'Hangover Taxi' Service Is Best Idea In Human History

A London noodle shop has introduced a service it’s calling a “hangover taxi” that is everything it sounds like and more. Hurting revelers are picked up from their house and taken to work in a car with a hot bowl of noodles, orange juice, sunglasses, breath mints, and hangover meds. In other news, I am moving to England.

The idea, from a “high end” shop, was borne of necessity; during the holiday party season, apparently everyone in London is constantly drunk. But the heavy binge drinking of the UK holiday season isn’t the only place where a “hangover taxi” would be helpful; I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that Kabuto Noodles’ Kab U To Work taxi is the best idea human beings have ever had, ever. It’s better than pasteurization. It’s better than barbed wire. It’s better than fiber optic cables. Literally. Literally. Literally the best thing.

According to The Daily Mail, the service is free (holy fuck) and there are still openings for people interested in booking the service between now and Christmas (holy fuck) and they’re considering expanding it to other cities (holy fucking fuck). Shut down your computers and go home for the day, human race; go home, have a glass of wine, and bask in this.

Now, time for a finger wag: while this is a fantastic idea that should have existed, like a decade ago, there are other similarly brilliant unpleasant travel/getting around ideas that should already have existed. For example:

Unconscious airline travel, where you show up at the airport, are ushered into a big room, and given powerful sedatives. You wake up with the flight is already over, in a similar lounge in another city.
A train. A train that can take a person from the East Coast to the Midwest in less than 1938147272 hours. Why the fuck doesn’t this exist? We’re slaves to airline travel, guys. We’re doing nothing about it.
An “express line” at coffee shops for people who just want plain coffee. Just plain. No milk. Just plain. Just a cup of plain coffee.
Nap van. Actually this is just where you have a cool friend who doesn’t care if you sleep while they drive you places.

Come to think of it, most of my great ideas have to do with my own laziness and bad decisions. And none of my great ideas exist yet, probably because at least a couple of them might lead to accidental death.