No Unicorns Were Harmed in Making This Craigslist Couch (Probably)

The epic Craigslist ad is quickly becoming the impoverished modern equivalent of the epic poem, and it’s really just a matter of time until some enterprising literary critic launches the Craigslist Ad Quarterly, and the charm of a half-crazed, over-reaching attempt to get rid of a couch “woven entirely from Unicorn manes and the fur of Falcor” is entirely overshadowed by naked literary striving.

That moment hasn’t arrived yet, so let us enjoy, in the twilight of genuine Craigslist ads that probably aren’t trying to earn a Pushcart Prize, this Chicago-based ad for a so-shiny-it-hurts-to-look-at couch. It’s a doozy:

One word. GLORIOUS! Amirite? Look at it! Or don’t! Cuz you might get hypnotized! I think i did a decent job of picturing the color but you really have to see it to feel it. It’s kind of color changing if that makes any sense. Like those cars that were hot in the 90’s that changed colors from different angles. Like that. There’s gold, orange, yellow, a light turqoise [sic], pale greens. It’s a stunner. Literally. I stared at it for about 3 hours so I was sitting there stunned. And it’s in excellent shape. Totally mint except for one thing. One of the seat cushions isn’t embossed like to other two. I think it may have been switched out with a loveseat cushion. It’s still super clean and it’s not very noticeable. I didn’t notice it when I found it and neither did my friends when they first had a look. (BABY DEERS NOT INCLUDED)

dimensions

35″ deep

31″ tall

79″ long

FREE DELIVERY WITHIN CITY LIMITS IF YOU CAN HELP ME UNLOAD IT!!!!!!

Hear that, Chicagoans? If you’re in the market for a $300 couch and live in the city, you can make a new Craigslist friend who has at one point unabashedly shaved a unicorn.