No Sex Please: They're British!

Illustration for article titled No Sex Please: Theyre British!

Based on the growing popularity of youth-based abstinence programs like the Silver Ring Thing, Heather Seamen (heh heh), a reporter for the UK tabloid the Daily Mail, decided to interview six celibate British women who haven't had sex for a combined total of 33 years. A few of us here are admittedly promiscuous (hell, my name ain't Slut for nothin') and proud of it, but we'd never knock other girls for preferring to put the cow for sale, rather than give the milk away for free, so long as it makes them happy. You know, different strokes for different folks! However, the six women Ms. Seamen interviewed admitted that they're laying off of getting laid because their sex drives have either diminished, or just weren't there to begin with. So it would seem that celibacy is choosing them rather than the other way around. But you be the judge: After the jump, meet 20-to-40-somethings Sarah, Loren, Mandy, Denise, Sue and Beverly.


Sarah, 26
This chick hasn't had sex for a year, despite the fact that she has a live in BF, who she's been with since she was 19. He goes out every night immediately after work to DJ in clubs and doesn't come home till 2 am, where he sleeps in a separate room. They used to bang three nights a week, but now they're both tired from work. Sarah isn't worried that he'll ever cheat on her, because he said he "loves" her.

Loren, 29
After breaking up with her first boyfriend five years ago, Loren hasn't had sex since. She says needs to be in love to bang, and that's understandable, but she's a bit preachy about other girls who don't have such hangups. ("I think being promiscuous can damage your self-esteem.") She doesn't like dating and she's afraid of getting into another relationship. Frankly, she sounds like a stick in the mud. She was set up on a date with a handsome guy who bought her drinks in a club. Then he offered her drugs. "It was a disaster." Disaster? He sounds dreamy!


Mandy, 41
This lady went into early menopause at 36. Sucks, right? [Ugh. maybe she smoked too much? -Ed.] She was with the same guy for nine years, but when she went through the change, her libido plummeted and they stopped fucking. She thinks it was a major reason of their breakup. Now she uses some sort of oil on her clit that stimulates it and she's been getting back in the mood and is seeing a new guy. (Why the hell did the Daily Mail profile her? She's totally gonna get it on by the end of this week!)

Denise, 27
Denise is a Christian virgin who started an abstinence support group called Celibrate. She can't see herself ever having sex, because even though she can recognize an attractive man when she sees one, she'd rather "appreciate him from afar." She prefers spending time working and hanging out with her girlfriends. Girlfriends! That's what's going on here, right?

Sue, 29
This woman is a single mother to four kids and she's only 29! No wonder she hasn't had sex in eight years—she's too busy. And she probably doesn't want any more kids. She admits to having lonely moments.


Beverly, 30
Beverly lives with her mom and doesn't have sex anymore because she was diagnosed with endometriosis, so intercourse is too painful. She has an understanding boyfriend and they are in love.

Seriously, those last two are just bad reporting on the Daily Mail's part. They really thought these were accurate representations of women choosing abstinence? Or maybe it's just too hard to find girls who are truly celibate because those crazy birds in Britain just love shagging so much. In any event, we hope that that these ladies don't forget to celebrate their country's National Orgasm Week. Just because they're refraining from being intimate with other humans doesn't mean they have to refrain from being intimate with something that requires batteries.


"The Women Who Haven't Had Sex In 33 Years" [Daily Mail]

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Just my personal, philistine opinion, but abstaining from sex seems semi against nature. I mean, come on. Making babies is fun. It's what we're put on this Earth to do. I can understand about the one lady where sex is painful for her, but the first one in which she's too 'tired' to have sex with her boyfriend, well, there's a cry for help in a relationship if ever there was one. What's the point in even having a boyfriend? Might as well just call him a friend and leave it at that. (And I don't believe in that whole 'my boyfriend is my best friend' schtick. My boyfriend is my lover not my friend. There is a big difference. I've never gone down on a friend. Well...not while I was sober at least.)

That being said, I'm gonna go have sex with my boyfriend now. Mmmmm. Before work sex.