Tonight's episode of Modern Family promises to make bowties twirl on the necks of their scandalized viewers when a pint-sized character drops the F bomb. One group is so offended by little Lily's linguistic lapse that they're spearheading a grassroots effort to prevent the episode from airing. Who are these bastions of righteousness? They're called The No Cussing Club, and they're here to show you poopheaded pottymouths what fun a bleep-free existence can be. Fuck that.
The offending TV episode in question features the daughter of Mitchell and Cameron serving as a flower girl in a wedding. During rehearsals, she drops a "fuck," to the horror of her dads.
The No Cussing Club is really fucking pissed that this is happening. Boasting 35,000 party poopers from coast to coast and literally dozens in other countries, the Swear Patrol is gathering its troops in an attempt to save the very lives of both Lily and Modern Family's audience. Eighteen-year-old club founder and President McKay Hatch said that their main goal, as an organization, was to stop the F bomb from mushroom clouding all over their delicate ears. But even if they don't succeed, Hatch will feel happy that "ABC knows that people all over the world don't want to have a 2-year-old saying the 'F-bomb' on TV."
He's right; no child should be forced to swear. But the actress who plays Lily doesn't actually swear during the episode; during filming, she said the word "fudge." The word will be bleeped and her mouth pixelated to imply that the girl's swearing, but she's not really. Television magic!
Team Quit Your Goddamn Swearing is undaunted by facts, and Hatch will likely keep up his stupid ass crusade. They've sent a letter to ABC urging them to reconsider their socially devastating decision to air an episode about a problem encountered by many parents whose kids discover swearing before they understand that swearing in front of mixed audiences is widely considered rude. ABC hasn't responded yet. Zero hour's tonight, people! Time's of the essence!
As the Huffington Post points out, swearing on network TV's been in the news lately, as the Supreme Court appears to be leaning toward ruling in favor of maintaining stricter decency standards for network TV, in spite of the rules' obsolescence. I wonder which Supreme Court Justices are stealth members of the No Cussing Club? My money's on Thomas.