Newt: The Natch'! (Hey, At Least I Like Snatch?) Dossier

So the upshot of this Focus on the Family interview, which we found totes bo-ring, is that Newt has a lot of moral outrage about the evils of oppressive, tyrannical ideologies that don't value our freedoms and diveristy, which is why:


1. He wrote a book that begins:

There is no attack on American culture more deadly and more historically dishonest than the secular effort to drive God out of America's public life.


2. He is probably running for president.

After the jump, the results of an extensive Nexis search on the loves and — remember this word?? — pecadilloes — of Naughty Newt, the essence of which can be boiled down to: He makes Giuliani look so, so classy. And unfortch, he also hearts Obama!

Discounting that GOPers generally use the term "therapy" as code for "faggotry," Newt practically endorsed Barack Obama last week - "If the country wants therapy, it will vote for Obama" - just cause it gave him a cool excuse to knock Hil. Oh, Hil...

"You can't beat them tactically . . . They're too relentless, they're too well-organized, they have too big a machine and they'll just grind you down," he said.

"If they think [Obama] is a real threat, they'll just grind him up."

SO WHERE WERE THE CLINTONS WHEN NEWT NEEDED TO BE FED TO THIS GRINDER? If a wheelchair-bound pornographer could end the career of Bob Livingston.


Newt called the Contract With America "the first step toward renewing American civilization"

Newt and Callista met once a week for breakfast at the supreme court cafteria.

Kit Gingrich told the Wash Post of Callista: "I liked her from the first time I saw her. This is the first time I can ever remember seeing that Newty is in love." Awwwww!


In 1996 Ted Haggard told Michael Lewis he didn't understand the Gay Pride Parade that under way in Denver. "It's like a Murderers' Pride Parade."

Focus On The Family's James Dobson thinks Ted Haggard can be cured of his faggotry.


Newt Gingrich is a Top 500 Reviewer on, having penned several hundred book reviews for free on the site.

Newt's request to the Archdiocese of Atlanta to annul his SECOND marriage to Marianne Gingrich was made on the grounds that SHE had been married before.


Of the unpopular impeachment trials, Newt told the NYT Mag: "I realized I was out of sync with the culture. This is a culture that is much more open, and has gone through many more experiences, than a person of my age and my background understood." Until Callista bestowed upon him a BJ underneath the Supreme Court cafeteria table!

Vanity Fair's Gail Sheehy has known all about Callista, Newt's fave breakfast companion, for twelve years, since she profiled Newty in a story in which Gingrich BFF Kip Carter also told her Newt would have won a 1974 congressional race "if we could have kept him out of the office, screwing her (volunteer Dot Crews) on the desk."


Jesus fucking Christ.