News at 7:32: Memo To JT: Cry Me A River

  • And just for that, my whole celebrity gossip roundup is going to be exorcised of the "Royal We" this afternoon. Justin Timberlake just give an interview to Details in which he complains about celebrity magazines making everyone's lives into a "soap opera" and says he neeevvver talks shit about his ex-girlfriends. You know, if there is one thing I love more than that particular product of the celebrity industrial complex in which a celebrity guarantees the elevation of his stature within the celebrity industrial complex by decrying another product of the celebrity-industrial complex within the context of a similar, competing but mutually beneficient product of the celebrity-industrial complex, it is... um, maybe whiskey. [USA Today]
  • No WAIT! It's stories like Perez Hilton is the new Pitchfork! Wherein the mainstream media celebrity industrial you-get-it takes a swipe at one nimble online competitor by claiming ANOTHER incredibly idiotic and comparatively small website is actually more "influential" than the first. Unless, of course, Perez Hilton really is responsible for Lily Allen suddenly being the MySpace music of my one Republican friend... Oh god. [Blender]
  • After the jump, we take on the Alanis!
  • Covering the song "My Humps" could make any idiot look simultaneously smart and self-mocking, even the Canadian teen idol who made "ironic" synonymous with "stupid" (and "angst" synonymous with sucking off Uncle Joey in a cineplex.) It is such an obvious and perfectly calculated viral marketing strategy we would have thought of it and written a book about it by now if it weren't such a gosh-darn expensive move, covering the recent chart topping hit of a megamillionaire calculated supergroup. But did anyone bother figuring out how much it cost Maverick to put together this Youtube video promoting Alanis Morissette's upcoming studio album AND memoir AND newly unattached status??? Do you guys, like, not believe in homework or something??
  • Oh wait, uh.. hold on. I'm watching the video. Oh my god. Okay. OMG. Shutting up now. YouTube