In true True Detective form, HBO has released a mysterious unmarked PDF on the internet announcing its two new stars for season two of the ostensibly philosophical/somewhat visually grody mindfuck of a series.
They are not only dudes, but they are two of the dudeliest dudes my dudeliest dregs of dude-subconscious can muster. They are Vince Vaughn, whose adult-nice-guy image seems to me undermined by the foreboding feeling that he is just a frat boy who reached 40 relatively intact; and Colin Farrell, who is basically Vince Vaughn but Irish. Yes, yes, two arguably dudelier dudes than Vaughn and Farrell are Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, who starred in Season One and helped prompt the criticism that True Detective was an oppressive festival of bros that painted women as one-dimensional harlots and shrews. Granted, it was a festival of bros that I was so compelled by that I planned my Sundays around it every week. But still, show creator Nic Pizzolatto seemed to say that Season Two would be more woman-focused, to which I say: why would you invite us over when nobody's home, doggie?
Of course, there's still time to bide and stars to be attached, so I won't fully jump the gun. Hopefully the rumors that Elisabeth Moss has been cast will pan out. Perhaps Pizzolatto will write in a period subplot. But until then, here is what we know: the next season has some kind of crime syndicate theme, wherein "three police officers and a career criminal must navigate a web of conspiracy in the aftermath of a murder." Farrell will play one of said cops, Ray Velcoro, "a compromised detective whose allegiances are torn between his masters in a corrupt police department and the mobster who owns him." Vaughn plays the bad guy in a role that was reportedly written for him, confirming all my suspicious that there's something nefarious going on beneath that hapless mug. His character is Frank Semyon, "a career criminal in danger of losing his empire when his move into legitimate enterprise is upended by the murder of a business partner." The first two episodes will be directed by Justin Lin, who helmed three The Fast & the Furious movies, and something called It Has Begun: Bananapocalypse. Bananapocalyptic is what I'll be if they don't get some women up in this piece, amirite? BURN!
HBO will announce more cast members as they are confirmed.
Image via Getty.