Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!

The Centers For Disease Control's attempt to utilize late '90s technology to spread health information is probably well intentioned, but all they taught us is that the folks who work there are passive-aggressive busybodies.

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The CDC's website has 174 e-cards that link recipients to information on the agency's website. There are cards for offering congratulations on a new pet, flu vaccination reminders, and get well cards, as well as more bizarre fare such as:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!



But, the cards we'd be most disturbed to find in our inboxes deal with sex, marriage, and babies. We like the idea of using an e-card to let your partners know you've given them a STD. For most of us, getting that e-mail would be enough to make us go get checked out, but the CDC's card explains you may want to get that clamydia out of your reproductive organs because you may want to put a baby in there some day:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Well, at least the CDC isn't homophobic:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!



On the surface this engagement e-card isn't too bad, but it links to a "safe and healthy bride" page that starts out by telling future brides to "eat healthy" and "make smart choices to help you look and feel good for your wedding, showers, parties, and new life together." It's the perfect way to tell a friend that you don't want to be the one trying to zip her into that too-tight wedding gown.

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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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But, what if a few years have passed and she and her husband still haven't started a family? (And she has diabetes.) Just pass on this handy hint:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!



Once she's expecting, there are plenty of ways to let her know that you never considered her mom material anyway:

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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!



It's really unfortunate that pregnant woman can't drink, because they may have a hard time calming down after finding these troubling reminders in her inbox:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Even after the kid is born, you can continue sending her intrusive tips about her family. Most people who suspect a friend's child has ADHD would sit them down and break it to them gently, but you could also just forward them this:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!



Or, just let them know that you think their little rugrats have poor hygiene:

Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!
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Illustration for article titled Need To Tell A Bride to Diet? A Partner You Have Syphilis? Try A CDC E-Card!



Generally, this is all good health advice, we just don't want to be reminded that we and our loved ones are constantly in mortal danger via e-mail.

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Health E-Cards [CDC.gov]
Safe And Healthy Bride [CDC.gov]

Earlier: You've Got Mail! And Something Else...

DISCUSSION

aesop-s-foibles--old
Aesop's Foibles.

I've often wished there was a tactful way of letting a stranger know they smell bad, or in the case of the guy I saw at Rite-Aid last week who had a diarrhea stain on his jeans. I mean there was no way it could have been anything else. It was right there at the seam, directly in the line of fire, so to speak. He wasn't challenged in any way that I could see; he was having a normal conversation with the cashier and all, but dude had had a fairly recent accident and was strolling around like that. I was horrified and also overwhelmed with sympathy, as in the last few years I've had some stomach issues that come on very suddenly and have resulted in a couple of very narrowly averted disasters. I wish I'd had a little business-type card in my bag that I could have handed him, saying discreetly, Hey Friend! Just wanted to let you know you have a bit of a stain on your seat. I mean really, just walking up and telling him that would have been so awkward! But I really did feel bad, how embarassing! Poor guy. Hope he noticed right away.