Naked Woman Running The Streets Was 'Tripping Balls' According to Cops

Melissa Valencia, arrested for traipsing through the streets of Fayetteville, Arkansas, will likely regret her decision to use acid at her boyfriend's house this week. Partly because everyone has cameras now (especially the police) and partly because the official police report says she was "tripping balls."

Valencia was uncooperative when the police, called by someone who was either frightened or annoyed by her behavior (I say frightened because this is something out of a bag FMV horror video game), tried to restrain her and backup had to be called. Before she was caught, Valencia ran behind a pole and tried to hide herself. I have never been on acid (because it sounds like a long and somewhat tedious experience), but I imagine she might have thought the pole would provide her some shelter or protection by turning into some kind of wooden bear or something. I don't know. Drugs.

When police transported Valencia to the hospital (after draping her in the latest style of modesty blanket), she became much more agreeable and cooperative, and while she wouldn't tell the officers what had happened (sometimes you've just got to run around the streets naked, you know? Like in all of your nightmares!) she told a nurse that she had possibly maybe taken some hits of acid before she began running nude through the city.


Valencia is currently facing charges of misdemeanor public intoxication, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest. She will go to court in August.

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My dear, sweet brother Numsie!

I once convinced a guy at a rave that the bass had stopped his heart (it was some HEAVY LOW bass) and that the bass was the only thing keeping his dead heart beating. I flounced off and thought nothing more of it.

Till we were leaving in the morning and some guy was FREAKING OUT because he couldn't leave or he would die. He spotted me, pointed and yelled "SHE KNOWS!!!"

I minced outta there as fast as my chunky platforms would carry me.