Important things are important. [Twitter]

Sometimes people you forgot about are still around, and sometimes they marry each other: Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger and Avril Lavigne have announced their engagement after a whirlwind six-month courtship. This is Kroeger's first and Lavigne's second marriage (she split from Sum 41 guitarist Deryck Whibley in 2009). She also dated Brody Jenner. HURK, sorry, just lost my will to live for a second. Anyway, "Avril Kroeger" sounds like a drug conglomerate, but here's to you two crazy kids! [People]

Mia Wasikowska was disgusted and appalled by Shia LaBeouf's behavior on the set of Lawless, says Shia LaBeouf without any apparent trace of remorse. The actor bragged about binge-drinking moonshine ("[it's] like heroin") to get Into Character For The Part, but actually To Act Like A Jackass And Get Paid Gajillions Of Dollars For It:

[Wasikowska] was calling her attorney, like, ‘Get me the [bleep] out of here,'" the apparent method actor told the magazine. "Mia was ready to walk away from the movie. I was really pretty aggressive about it, and not in any kind of weird, strange way, but I don't think she had ever experienced anything like that.

Oh, right. She wasn't irritated by the fact that you were staggering around drunk at work, she was intimidated by your craft. [Complex]

Kristen Stewart crawled out of her sadhole! To carry a bunch of flowers down the street! She wore a "low-key outfit consisting of a baseball cap, cropped T-shirt and grey skinny jeans" and looked "pale and preoccupied." She has literally always looked that way, though. So there's that. Who are the flowers for?! [News.com.au]

Former New York Giants player Michael Strahan is the frontrunner to co-host Live! With Kelly alongside Kelly Ripa after she and the network auditoned at least 59 possibilities. In case we weren't clear on why they decided that Ripa and Strahan make an "interesting visual couple," it was helpfully pointed out for us:

He's 6-foot-5. He played at 275 pounds. He's black. He's got the most famous front-tooth gap since Lauren Hutton.

[NYDN]

• Kelsey Grammer wants nine kids, but, ummm, if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need? [Access Hollywood]
• Jennifer Lopez is still having problems taming her unruly kids backstage at concerts. [Page Six]
• If you happen to be in London, go look at this display of iconic Hollywood leading ladies' costumes, including Judy Garland, Audrey Hepburn, Meryl Streep, Marilyn Monroe and Sharon Stone's. [Daily Mail]
• 4-year-old Vivienne Jolie-Pitt will appear in her first movie with mom Angelina Jolie in Maleficent. [The Sun]
• Lily Allen came out of her recently-announced retirement to sing with Pink in L.A. [MTV UK]
• Someone had the nerve to tase Jake Gyllenhaal! (It was for a movie.) [THR]
• Wait, ALSO, Jake slept over at the Seinfelds' house in the Hamptons. I trust that what ensued was a nebbish, Semitic version of Eyes Wide Shut. ("What's the deal with these costume masks?") [NYDN]
• Zayn Malik, one of the crunchy lil' baby carrots in One Direction, has quit Twitter. [BBC News]
• "I love literally everything about her. I love her extreme talent. I love her writing. Her songs come from the soul. She's incredibly beautiful. "I think it's very refreshing to see, and don't get me wrong when I say this, somebody who is not looking extremely anorexic. I know for a fact, as much as you do, that the music industry makes kids get sick. So we're not going to go further on that, but you know what I mean. She is going to help us, she's going to help the world... It's going to be bad when I meet her. I'm going to give her the biggest hug. I'm not kidding." —Celine Dion, major Adele fan. [Radar Online]
• "Simon Cowell Loves School-Style Puddings," according to ONE INTREPID HEADLINE WRITER. [Contact Music]
• Lauren Conrad got some kale from a restaurant and took it back to her house. Again, Edward R. Murrow would be proud of how far journalism has come. [People]
• Rosie O'Donnell is recovering from her heart attack with Grape Nuts, painting, and the musical stylings of Barry Manilow. [People]
• RHONJ's Teresa Giudice "begged" Bravo not to air the episode where her husband Joe refers to her as "his bitch wife" while on the phone with an ostensible Other Woman. [Us Magazine]
• Conor Kennedy kissed Taylor Swift on the forehead one time IN CAAAAMELOT. [US Weekly]
• This is Brandy's new single "Wildest Dreams," being touted as a return to classic R&B, and it accordingly sounds straight out of 1997. [Bossip]
• Hey! Mia Sara (Sloane from Ferris Bueller's Day Off) looks fantastic. [Buzzfeed]