If your family Thanksgiving dinner fills you with dread and your relatives don’t like Adele enough to turn off their racist ranting to sing along to “Hello,” there’s a new and exciting thing to discuss with them over your Butterball—a podcast entitled My Dad Wrote a Porno, which is, as you might have guessed, about a dad who wrote a porno.

Jamie Morton, the son of the dad who wrote a porno, has been reading chapters of his father’s book Belinda Blinked out loud and verbatim since October. His podcast, which you can download today so that you don’t have to stream it over your family’s crappy wi-fi, is a brave look at what it’s like to recognize that your parents are not only sexual beings, but sexual beings who write badly written erotica and then sell it on Amazon.

Here’s a description of the book you’ll be hearing as you slice into the turkey and fill your entire mouth with cranberry sauce:

Belinda Blumenthal gets exciting, sollicited sex regularly, so regularly in fact she makes big bonuses from it. Based in London UK, Belinda works for Steeles Pots and Pans as their world wide Sales Director. Sexually supported by Giselle and Bella her head office colleagues, Belinda always gets the order when it comes down to the bare facts. The client base is large so Belinda has the whole world to fuck and boy does she get stuck into it. This is the first book in the Belinda Blinked series where she gets hired by Tony her Managing Director and then goes on to make some sales headway by bringing on board a large European customer, Peter Rouse, and makes initial inroads to the North American market through Jim Stirling. Read about the sexual conquests these men make and how the mysterious Duchess makes Belinda alive to the sexual fantasies of the hot riding set through supple black riding boots, jodhpurs and leather handled whips....

Boy, does she get stuck into it!

The best part of the description is how it makes clear that this book isn’t just about Belinda fucking every kitchenware salesman she meets, but also an important look at the controversial and fascinating world of pots and pans manufacturing.

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As salacious as the podcast is—Morton says his dad likes to write when he’s “in heat”—it’s also hilarious, and Morton’s joined by two friends who have plenty of questions and good English accents.

If your family refuses to go in on the idea with you, keep your chin up and remember that it could be worse. You could be Anderson Cooper proofreading his mom’s erotic memoir.

Check out the podcast here.


Contact the author at mark.shrayber@jezebel.com.