My Cherie Amour, A Stevie Wonder Novel By V.C. Andrews™

A man named Alpha Lorenzo Walker and his conspirator Tamara Eileen Diaz were arrested earlier this month for trying to extort Stevie Wonder and were the subject of myriad tired late-night show monologue jokes for fucking up what you'd imagine for obvious offensive-punchline-type reasons would literally be the easiest thing in the world.

But the plot thickened last night when reports surfaced that Walker was blackmailing Wonder with the wackadoo tale that Walker, Wonder's nephew, was the product of a sexual encounter with Wonder and his sister. He originally demanded $5 million from the singer, then lowered it to $10,000, and was nabbed by undercover cops who were posing as Wonder's guys to orchestrate the handover. [Bossip]

• He can go get a celebratory drink with John Travolta, whose first masseuse accuser (the one who yesterday acknowledged that he had cited the incorrect date) dropped the case. [Radar]
• Here is a cute interview that Ashanti's mom did with Ashanti for Ashanti Day Mother's Day. [AOL Music]
• Cissy Houston, Whitney's mother, insists that the upcoming family reality show might kickstart Bobbi Kristina's singing career. [TMZ]
• Pamela Anderson rescued a dog from the slums of Mumbai and gave it a safe home between her breasts and it didn't even have to use its hard-knock life experience to win a national television quiz program. [Minute 15]
• "I really want to [play someone] dark, like a serial killer," chirped Matthew Morrison, and frolicked away on a ray of Tang-flavored sunshine. [Contact Music]
• Melissa Joan Hart is keeping the sex of her baby a secret from her husband, which is incidentally listed on Google Reader as "Melissa Joan Hart Baby Sex Secret" and just made me choke on my coffee. [Contact Music]
• Pete Doherty sold a painting that he and Amy Winehouse made with their own blood for $45,000. [E! Online]
• Zooey Vegan Twinkie Glitterbangs Deschanel will play Loretta Lynn in the Broadway adaptation of Coal Miner's Daughter. [Vulture]
• Beyoncé and Jay-Z are moving to London. [The Sun]
• Halle Berry is moving to France. [Bossip]
• Sacha Baron Cohen said something rude about Kim Kardashian's underpants. [Celebuzz]
• A high-school student interviewed Octomom Nadya Suleman for National History Day. [LAist]
• Sean Penn and model Petra Nemcova might be dating again because they attended Bono's birthday together, which is how you consummate a union on their planet. [NY Post]
• Anna Kendrick accidentally cut her fingernail off while filming a cooking scene opposite Chace Crawford in What To Expect When You're Expecting. [Express]
• That '70s Show star Lisa Robin Kelly was arrested for beating up her male roommate but won't face any more jail time. [TMZ]
• Errybody in the house who wanted Mayim Bialik and Alyssa Milano's unsolicited opinions on the Time breast-feeding cover say "Yeah!". OK, nobody? [People]
• "But seriously, fuck Teri Hatcher," says Desperate Housewives co-star Eva Longoria more or less. [Daily Mail]
• Three of the four singers on The Voice U.K. judge Will.i.am's team are sick and can't stop puking long enough to perform, thus confirming that The Voice U.K. is basically a modern Canterbury Tales with mediocre Lady Antebellum covers instead of chapters. [Express]
• Coolio was pulled over in Vegas for yet another mundane traffic violation because Stars Are Just Like Us. [TMZ]