Mother Outraged Over Unsightly Vagina on Teddy Bear Cake

Of all the things you’d imagine people would be legitimately outraged by, the genitals of teddy bears doesn’t immediately top the list. One mother in England, however, can’t get over the fact that her precious child’s christening cake looks like it’s showing off a whole lot of camel toe. Do you see it?

First of all, here’s the cake that one Mrs. Sharon Green picked up from Occasion Cakes and claims looks like it has a vaginal crease. She’s so offended by the cake, in fact, that she’s not only seeking a refund but she’s gone to the media to correct the grave and traumatizing injustice rendered unto her fondant by some very cheeky pastry chef.

I mean, I totally see it, but I can also see the bakery’s point of view. According to The Bolton News, the management at Occasion Cakes says that what Green is mistaking for a vagina is actually the area in which the bear would be stitched. Any other meaning, Occasion Cakes, has stated is a “bizarre and distasteful connection” that Green made on her own. In fact, the owners say they’ve never had a complaint about this cake before in over thirty years of making them.

Green wants a refund because the crease wasn’t in the picture when she chose the cake and because guests at the christening party of her daughter kept poking fun at the bear’s alleged exposed labia. She went back to the bakery before the cake was displayed to get some help and an assistant provided her with some fake flowers to put on the bear’s crotch, but to no avail. Guests kept moving the flowers around for a better view of the teddy’s unmentionables.

Green told media that the cake had not been eaten at the christening because she still hopes to collect a refund. The bakery says it’s not happening. My fantasy is that Green won’t ever get over this and will allow the cake to rot in a place of prominence in her home like a modern day Miss Havisham.